tuesday.

today is damp and dark and cold.
i am slow
and sad
and still stuck in cormac mccarthys world
of destruction and little hope
as i just finished reading the road...

i want to crawl back into bed,
warm and safe
and sleep until my kids get up
and come in to ask me mundane things
like "can we have the pringles for breakfast"
so that i can scoop them in
beside me
and borrow some of their warmth
and optimism.

ominous.




i took the kids to a fun park yesterday
and spent the day with my childhood
(and current)
best friend
and my kids
going on water slides, in the pool and slamming
each other in the bumper boats...

this is what the sky looked like on the drive home.
and the funny thing was
no matter how many times i pulled the car
over to take some pictures,
the kids never asked me once
what or why i was doing it...
they just accept it now
that their mother
is odd.


today.


today is dark
and dreary
and i always feel as though
i am
out of time,
not enough time...
not enough time
to get everything done at work,
not enough time spent with the kids,
no time to do any of the things
i want to do...

i have a baby shower to go to tonight
and an unfinished baby hat...
a wedding shower tomorrow night
and no gift, no card.

this is not working,
this work thing.
just not working out at all.