day seven...poems and photos and plans

100 ideas by keri smith::number five:
Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal.

there was a particular poem
that i wanted to find for this...
i think that liz elayne shared it
a long time ago...
i think i may have actually copied it
into my journal then,
because it spoke to me that much.

but i can't find it
and thought i should look for a new one
anyhow, in spirit of the idea...

and after browsing a number of poems,
none of them speaking to me,
i came across this one.

and it sang to me.
it moved me along.
it made me go back
and reread and think
and it carried it's own beat...

i like poems like that.

those are the kinds of poems
i would like to be able to write.

if you would like to read it
{and i would urge you to do so...}
you can find it here.
i hope you enjoy it as much as i did...

and on a side note...
i had a meeting this week regarding
some ideas i have
and came away with a positive feeling...
another little step forward...
i am happy just taking these little baby steps
as long as they are in
the right direction....
:O)

day six...in which i drew for my supper...

100 ideas by keri smith::number four:
Draw your dinner.

well.

i drew my dinner.
and you will notice
there is no photo
of my drawing.

it's hard to be inspired
by mcdonalds....
:O)
but i did do it
and i'm glad that i did...

and also
today is
friday i'm in love...
and today...being the first
friday of nablopomo
i think i will share some of
the blogs i love...
and know that you will love them, too...

this cute as a button photographer...
you will love the photos...you will love the blog...
so talented!

this fabulous mix of female photographers on etsy...
you have to check this out...so much to see!

how can you not love a name like tatertots and jello...
and the blog is just as cute!

and brand new to me...but i know
that it will become an old favorite...

so go.
check them out.
tell them i said hi!
and that i'll be by later
with hot chocolate and
warm cinnamon loaf...
mmmmm...

happy friday.

day five...if i had a million dollars...

100 ideas by keri smith::number three:
Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create,
(new pen, a tea cup, journal). Use it everyday.

last night, we finished supper
{homemade beef stew done in slow cooker...
another first for me...and biscuits that
were a little hard and flat...i'm not sure
what i did wrong with those...but there
were none left over so i guess they tasted
fine}
and i went to the store to look for something
that i could use...
would use
every day....
i waited for something to speak to me...
to jump out at me...
and it took awhile....
eventually, i picked up a pack of pens
pens i used to use
and remember liking how they would
glide
across the page...


and as i was leaving that aisle,
pens in hand
i passed the crayola aisle...
and suddenly remembered number 71
on my mondo beyondo grande list...
so i grabbed a box of 64 colors
and felt instantly happy and excited...

now i just have to find a coloring book
that makes me happy...
i'm thinking charlie brown...
or sesame street...
something old and quirky and fun...

{and...just so you know...
today the backhoe comes to break ground
for the concrete for our new building...for my
studio...squeal!!!!!!}

day four...where are you now?

100 ideas by keri smith::number two:
Write a letter to yourself in the future.

last night
i made scalloped potatoes
for the very first time
and they turned out great....
i loved them, they reminded me of home...

then i went for a walk in the evening,
warm wind against my skin
leaves glittering in the puddles
illuminated by car lights
like shards of broken stained glass...

came home and stood still under a hot shower...
lit a candle
and wrote a letter to myself in the future.

here are some bits and pieces:

dear you (circa 2019)

it's me...(you...circa 2009). i wish i knew how
you were right now? i hope that you are well...
healthy and happy. i hope that you have been
taking care of yourself...i know how crappy your
eating habits can be and how you hate to exercise.
but i hope you have found a routine to keep you
healthy (and make you happy at the same time).

how are the kids? they must be growing...14 would be
what, 24 now? My God...how can that be? and ten?
now 20...i remember them at 10 and 14...ten so gangly
and falling all over the place, always in a rush to get
anywhere and everywhere. all about the star wars
and the lego and remember the 799 piece set you put
together for his b'day? still giving kisses on the forehead
though...still a cuddler...still your boy...

and 14...14 who you had kind of tough time with for
a little while...in a "growing apart" kind of way...
which was sad and hard and painful for you...do you
remember that? those times when it felt like you
just weren't connecting...

but lately, it feels like that is passing, like a mist or a fog
lifting. there are days that she still needs you...there
are days that provide glimpses of what your relationship
may be in the future...with inside jokes and teasing,
with sharing secrets and worries, with listening to
rants and just being there for her. not to speak,
not to make better, not to cuddle or give advice but
just to be there. you struggle with this...right now...
sometimes...you want to step in...you want to judge,
you want to parent, you want to help, you want to
protect and fix and kiss the booboos and make it all
better...but this is not always what she wants or needs.

...{parts about my husband i decided not to add here}

are you still taking pictures? still doing weddings?
remember how the summer of 2009 was your first
summer of weddings and how nervous you were
armed with only your canon rebel xsi and 2 lenses...
no extra battery pack...no decent camera case even...
just a grey backpack you jammed it all into.

i went for a walk and i thought about you tonight...
where are you now? did you ever publish that book
you carried around in your head? do you still eat a
fudgestick every night before bed? whatever happened
to that dream of building a studio?

do you ever think about me? i wonder sometimes
what you think when you look in the mirror...do you
ever see me? you are 49 now...on the cusp of 50.
does that bother you? i remember how you looked at
39 as a year of wonder...of choice...of possibility...of magic...
i hope you still feel the same way. i hope you have
crossed everything off your mondo beyondo grande list
of 2009 and have started a brand new list for 2019
stuffed full with wishes and dreams and hopes and goals
and plans...

at 39...you thought it was all still possible, it was all still
within your grasp...you beleived in throwing it out to
universe in hopes that the universe would hear and
toss a few things within your reach. this is good dream,
this is what makes you happy.

this is forward momentum.

i hope this finds you moving forward in happiness
and health...

love me...(circa 2009)

this is one my sesame street collections on top of my desk in my studio...
the second is on my computer desk...

{and as if this isn't already long enough...
but i HAVE to wish sesame street a happy 40th...
anyone who knows me, knows i love everything
about sesame street...sigh...i would live there
in a second.}

day three...walking in leaves...

100 ideas by keri smith::number one:
Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the the sidewalk.

i did this yesterday...the sun was shining,
the leaves were crisp and crunchy under my feet...
i went to the nearest trail and
walked with my camera and a pad and pencil...
i tried to really take notice of what was around me...
then halfway in, i stopped and drew and wrote
for quite a while...
it was great.

as i walked back to the car
it occured to me
how happy
such a small exercise
had made me...
"and suddenly, it is freeing...
it is liberating to think i don't care...
i'm wearing a sweater that is marked
with the dirt of 15 past photo sessions,
my husband's sweater jammed on over that,
covered still in birdox
from taking pictures at the beach...
i haven't brushed my hair in 2 days
and i have it covered up
with ten's orange burton hat,
long outgrown by him...passed down to me...
and i am happy...i am ecstatic...
i am safe and loved and free and healthy...
how can i not be happy."

and this is good.
this is a good place to be.
a place where i could stay.