saturday truths and sharing

it has been a good week
with some extra days off
and lots of wedding editing getting done.

i was going to come here on tuesday
and share some truths but
somehow i didn't get here until today
but i'm still going to share them...

*  i have been feeling topsy turvy up and down again
balls in the air balls on the floor scittering scattering whirling
all over the place like the red orange yellow blur of crisp leaves
blowing outside my window in a gust of wind
settling for a moment
only to get blown up and away again...
i can't settle, i can't focus, i can't stay on the track
life keeps derailing me.

sometimes with bad things, aggravating things, sad things, frustrating things
but other days,
it is with good things...
an afternoon spent at a christmas craft fair with a longtime best friend...
finding video clips online that instantly incite strong moments of nostalgia and memory,
a spicy pumpkin scented candle,
this movie
this video which totally completely absolutely blew me away...

*  i need to pick up the camera more. 
i need to pick up the pen more. 
i need to make time for me more. 
i need to pay attention.   i need to listen.
to me. 
i need to pay attention and listen to me.
i think i have something to say.

if i could stop whirling around long enough to hear it.

small things...

16 asking me in the car which song it is
by damien rice
where he says why did you sing hallelujah...
she invariably teases me about my music
{she is all classic rock and punk...}
but i think i am slowly opening her mind
bit by edgy pink-hair-leather-jacket bit...

tiny cherry tomatoes...i am in love with
these tomatoes...so sweet and salty and juicy...
i ate the whole package myself...

the comforting sound of the heat kicking in...

12 sharing all of his halloween loot with his father and sister,
without even a grimace...

the promise of warm chocolate chip cookies later today...

eating egg and bacon english muffin sandwiches and talking
about our favorite christmas cartoons...and that the kids
automatically know which ones are mine...

silent sunday mornings

i have come to the conclusion
that sleeping in
on the weekend
gives me a headache.

so
here i am
sunday morning
and the sky is still dark and gray
the house sleeps
while the cat
pitter pats beside me
curious and quiet.

my head is filled with
chocolate brown boots and legwarmers over skinny jeans,
red orange and yellow leaves,
wishing i had a french vanilla cappucino,
listening to the nature station
and thinking about liz elayne's words
regarding
creating space
and looking for ways to be present in one's own life....
and they resonate with me
this desire to be present,
to notice, to breathe, to accept...
to
slow
down.

i think i will make it a priority this week.

a boy turns 12...

but he will argue that he is actually 13
and that is totally his mother's fault...
i have a habit of automatically saying
the next year
if you ask how old i am...

so right now i would say i'm 42
because...
i will be 42...
next september.

i kind of did the same thing with the kids
and now i have 12 completely messed up
arguing that he is actually 13
{which, i guess by my twisted theory, he actually would be...}
anyhow...

my boy turned 12 on saturday

hard for me to fathom...
he has a girlfriend named grace
and more cat scatches than i could count...
big brown eyes and a messy head of hair
always laughing and always talking
still always looking to his older sister for approval
the sweetest boy there will ever be.

happy birthday, 12...
i love you to pieces.