tuesday truths...

i have a bad habit
of hiding
and avoiding
and procrastinating
and pretending
and creating distractions
and diversions
and delusions in my head
that everything is fine
when really
there are things i should be
facing…

i am an ostrich
sometimes
with my head in sand.

(ok. who am i kidding…
i am probably not as tall as an ostrich
and the thought of burying my head
in sand immediately makes feel claustrophobic)

(and now i am wondering if
ostriches even do that…is that a fact?
or did i make that up
somewhere along the line?)

anyway.

todays tuesday truth
is that i am trying to shake myself
out of this habit…
i am trying to make myself
face reality at least
once a day.
do one “grown up thing”
(preferably, one i have been putting off for a long time)
each day.
bills.
laundry.
groceries.
research an oil tank.
the not-so-fun stuff….

but still allow myself
time every day
to lose myself in a good show
or escape in a book…
to write or draw or paint.

balance.
it’s all about balance.

tuesday truths....the random edition

i went all morning thinking today was Wednesday
it’s not.
it’s Tuesday.
sigh.

toaster strudels
for supper
is my
new favorite thing.

my pen bled a little on this card
which made me sad
but the ballerina bunnies?
oh….
they made me incredibly happy!

heeheehee.

this sunshine just makes me think
of beaches and bare legs,
ice cream sundaes and parades,
birds chirping outside my window,
dirt roads, air shows,
getting lost on hiking trails,
bonfires and music outdoors…
sleeping with the window open,
driving with nowhere to go
and no one expecting me…
sigh.

tuesday truths...trying something new...

It’s scary to try something new.

But it’s also exciting and intriguing,
fun and interesting to push yourself out of your comfort zone
just an eensy-teensy bit.

I have been doing a lot of
new things lately
that have scared me…
but in a good way….mostly… :)

Change scares me.
I fight it, tooth and nail.
I always, always have.

But I think I am getting a little better.
(I don’t cry nearly as much, heehee).

In the spirit of “trying something new”
I thought I might push myself COMPLETELY out of my comfort zone
and try something that I have been considering for a long time
but did not have the guts to try…
I am also just coming off a 5 day cold so
it’s possible the effects of the children’s cough and cold
will have worn off by morning
and I will have totally chickened out on this whole idea.

But…for now…

I have created a Patreon account.

If you are not familiar with Patreon,
it is a way that I can share more of my photography and artwork
and maybe push my creative side a little harder
by forcing myself to be more accountable.
Patreon allows me to offer perks and treats for
anyone that chooses to follow me on that medium…
which means, I am forcing myself to focus
and stop spinning my wheels in 22 different directions.

If you check it out, please feel free to let me know
if there are things that you would have liked to have
seen offered as treats/thank yous…
and there is no pressure to sign up there.
This is really just an experiment, a new venture,
you never know til you try…
so today,
I try.

tuesday truths....the music edition

If you follow me on Facebook,
(not only do you know that I post WAY too much but…)
you probably also know
that I love music.

I can’t sing.
I don’t know a note.
I can’t tell pitch or tone or anything else…
but I know what I like
and I can’t go a day
without listening to music.

I have to have a playlist
on all night while I am sleeping.
I listen to music in the car,
while I’m painting, cooking, cleaning, working…
and sometimes
I just lay on the
couch or the
bed or the
floor
and lose myself in the darkness
and the words
and the
heartbeat.

And I will listen to almost anything…I’m pretty open…
I can honestly say there is no genre that I refuse to listen to
anything from…though there are definitely songs that I don’t like….
(and…I hate dire straits. Let’s just get that out there and move on)
:)
Here’s what I have been playing on repeat lately (and, um, I should warn you…I like songs that
say the eff word sooooo….just be careful if you are clicking links)

• she is beautiful - andrew w.k. (I listen to this every morning loud as soon as I get out of bed)

• seagulls stop it now - this is not actually a song…it’s a bad lip reading video but I have a weird taste in music and listen to this constantly as well. And, yeah, I still love what does the fox say sooooooo….I warned you. I have weird taste in music. :)

• whiskey - joey landreth

• armour - soul filter

• she - dodie

• figures - jessie reyez

• seeing all red - shakey graves

• patenipat - charlotte adigery

• jekyll and hyde - five finger death punch

• whistle stop - roger miller

• chop suey - system of a down

• sweet sixteen - billy idol

• video games - lana del ray

• little bit stronger - leighton meester (i forgot about this song. I don’t listen to a lot of country but this song…well….it speaks pretty loud to me right now…so…it’s on the daily playlist)

And I looooooooooove recommendations for new music! :) Hint, hint…heehee.

tuesday truths...the whiney, pouty, sulky i-hate-winter edition...(WITH FOG PHOTOS!)

the truth is
i’m tired.
i really want to stay awake,
i want to come home and work on new drawings
and paint new cards
and reorganize my closets
or, at the very least, pick up my clothes off the floor.

but the truth is
it is taking all i have to
stay up past 8 pm…

i turned on my heated blankets
on my bed about an hour ago
and. it. is. taking. everything. i. have.
not to go to bed RIGHT NOW.

the truth is
i know this is just what every winter
does to me…
it makes me sleepy and sulky,
constantly cold and
kinda temper-tantrumy-cranky-just-wanna-kick-things-and-eat-candy …
all i want to do is hibernate
until there is sunshine and warmth again….

so i tell myself
”self…if you just get one thing done each night
when you come home,
just one at the very least
THEN you can put your pjs on,
crack a cold can of diet coke
and go climb into that preheated bed
with your phone, your books, your music, your movies
and your robot nightlight
AND you can stay there all night if you wanna…
(just…please don’t eat sunflower seeds in bed again,
you know you are going to spill them
and those shells hurt if you roll over on them….)”