- i am serious. i need to lose weight.
i am not kidding. this is getting ridiculous.
and is making me mad. and sad.
i hate feeling like this about myself.
i hate how my clothes fit (read: don't fit).
i hate my lack of energy, my faltering self esteem,
my staggering lack of commitment.
i am not sure what happened.
i think it was a combination of the winter-that-never-ended...
and stress.
but i am feeling ready to start again...to commit...
now...
if i could only find my stupid fitbit. - i love raspberries
- i love that every time S goes to pick up 19 after work...15 goes along...
to hide in the back of the car and try to scare her. - bob's burgers is kind of genius. there. i said it.
- i realized tonight that i own no socks.
or at least...nothing that matches. - when i need a moment, i drive to the windmills.
weirdly, they relax me.
the slow, constant spinning...
tuesday truth
the truth is...
over here, it's not always sunshine and lollipops
and painting rocks to look like toadstools...
i know that's the picture i want to paint,
that it's always pug hugs and belly laughs in the big orange house...
and most of the time it is...
:)
but sometimes, it's not.
sometimes it's stress and deadlines and worry
about the things that are out of your control...
sometimes it's the spinning plates that normally make you
intensely happy
but that also have the capacity to shatter you
when they start to fall...
sometimes it's the realization that only disney mice are cute...
that one little bastard that keeps getting away?
you hate that creepy crawly little jerk with a passion
you didn't know you had....
sometimes it's the frustration of waiting for something
that you think is going to be the fix to all of your problems
only to find out that it is not going to happen as soon as you thought
and now is the time to dig out that back up plan
that you wrote on a napkin in secret code
and hope you remember how to decipher it....
but at the same time...
it is also remembering that these are only blips...
money comes...money goes...
blip.
no, the lilac tree didn't flower but there's a new bleeding heart
you weren't expecting and hostas that a sweet friend
gifted you with...
it's focusing on just doing what you can do...
breathing deep and letting go...
finding something to laugh hard at every day
(even if it is that the damned kamikaze mouse fell
on your daughter while she was sitting on stairs....)
it's being kinder to everyone around you
because it rings true to you to remember that
everyone has their own story going on behind the scenes
and it doesn't cost
anything
to be kind.
it's knowing that you have been here before,
chances are, you will be here again...
and remembering the little piece of truth your mom always told you
"things are always better in the morning".
“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut. ”
bullets of tuesdays truths...
- i want to build a fairy garden...i desperately want a doll house...and a blythe doll...and a coloring book...{am i reverting in age? is this my mid-life crisis}
oh...who am i kidding...i have always wanted these things. - today i am crampy, cranky and somewhat overwhelmed...not a pretty picture, is it?
- i think i have seen the bulk of judge judy's. i am only getting re-runs now. sad.
- but i would like to watch all of Modern Family and The Middle now from start to finish.
- i need a new book to read...any suggestions?
- i have to stop eating cinnamon rolls.
- i tried Pepsi Next today. I didn't love it. I didn't hate it.
- my boy had to go to court today as a witness in a drunk driving case...
i was proud of him,
like mama-bear-fiercely-proud of him.
If you know me at all, you will know that drunk driving
hurts my heart a little (actually, a hell of a lot) even after all these years.
and as my boy sat there being questioned,
i was on the edge of my seat with concern, with pride, with surprise
that this boy, this young man, is mine...came from me & his dad...
where has the time gone?
and at the same time, a little piece of my heart was
playing an old movie in bits and broken pieces...
a reel of tape of another boy on that same stand
and how i sat on the edge of my seat then in
frustration and grief and disbelief that this had happened to us,
that a walk down the road had ended up in this...
empty gaping loss and seething furious anger and
the paralyzing knowledge that there was nothing you could do
to change it, to make it better for him, to bring them back,
the bitter realization that you can't change time
no matter how desperately hard you try.
this was totally not what i came here to say,
but sometimes, tuesday truth does that to me.
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