A play break...

This summer is passing me by....
I am missing it.
Work, photo sessions, weddings, editing, commuting...
I'm missing summer.

So I think that i am going to take a cue
From madeline bea
This weekend
And make this weekend
All about
Fun.

Maybe movie at a theatre....
Ice cream eaten outside....
Supper on a restaurant deck with my sister in laws....
Watching for fireflies and shooting stars....
This weekend
I am letting go.

And having fun.

Want to join me?

Today's five minutes....

and today, I feel so much better.

I was going to stop by here to apologize for
yesterday's sad and lonely breakdown
but now that I think about it,
I'm glad I talked about it here yesterday...
maybe it was just the release I needed.

So today
even though I was up all night with a power outage
and a freaked out 10 year old
and today is rainy and dark
and I feel a headache coming on,
I still feel better.

Thanks for you comments and emails...
It reminds me why I keep coming back to this page...
Xo

Five minute thoughts at the end of my lunch break....

I thought that as I got closer to 40
things were going to get easier.

I thought I was going to be self assured and confident
strikingly indifferent to what other people thought of me....
I thought that worry and stress and anxiety attacks
were going to melt into my thirtysomething past.

But
I was wrong.

Money is tight, work is uncertain,
14 going on 15 has developed an anxiety issue
so large we have been seeing someone
and had to medicate her...
I don't know what to do anymore...
I am not sure of any choices/decisions/thoughts that I have...

I am second guessing the credibility of my photography...
Second guessing my positioning, my editing, no longer trusting my own opinion of what looks good.

I spend the day feeling like sham,
A wisp of an impression that could blow away
on a breath of wind....
That could topple any second
Silently as a house of cards.

Before eight a.m.....a list

three things that made me smile before 8 am this morning....

a flock of tiny birds flying in a group
dipping and diving
in unison across the highway
and through the fields...

curling into the warmth and safety of S.
after hitting the snooze button
just one more time...

the tiny mouse that ran out onto the highway
as I drove to work this morning
and how I thought I hit him
but when I looked into the rearview mirror
I could see him skitter away...

tuesday truths

It's tuesday afternoon
and I'm on my lunch
doing what I often do
(being the anti social dweeb that I am)....

I'm sitting in my car with the windows down
reading blogs on the iPad
And listening to blue rodeo
drinking a cold can of diet coke
With my bare feet stuck out the window....

Today i feel re-energized and ready to make
Some much needed changes...
A meal plan
More water
A better routine for the kids...
Much more time for creativity...
That kind of thing...

And I long to come to here...back to the blog, the page, the words
The recollection of my days in digital type....