number 70 of my mondo beyondo grande life list....


70.  hear margaret atwood read.

and i have.
i have finally seen her in person,
in a beautiful theatre
with my best friend beside me
and gilt ceilings and
a boy/girl band of two playing tori amos-like piano
with smatterings of an accordian.

and it was as amazing as i had ever hoped.

she read from oryx and crake...
she was funny and witty and tiny and
it took my breath away when she came onstage
this woman whom i have identified with
so many times,
always wondering if its because she is canadian
or female or a little odd...or was it that combination of all
three that made me read so many lines and
say..."that is me...that is me right there...in those words...
in that line..."

one of my favorite lines of hers was
"she is on the edge of being drunk, she is bitter."
oh...how often i recognized myself in that sentence.

so hurray to diminutive whirlwind powerhouse voices
and hurray to crossing number 70
off my list...
:)

no poem today...instead i am random and inconcise...

easter is over
the long weekend done
back to work in the morning...

i am happy and quiet and full of solitude tonight
and tangible silence
{but wordy in my own head}
{if that makes sense}

{i feel like posting but i don't feel like talking}

i spent the day today just hanging with my 15 year old
bright and shiny girl...talking and napping and
giggling and sharing...and it was good.

the laundry didn't get done
and neither did the dishes
but i wouldn't have traded this afternoon
for any amount of money...

these small moments of
imperfect and unexpected connections...
these are the moments
that i guard and i steal and i hoard
like tiny bits of sweet sunshine
for the days that feel like the rain
will
never
ever
go
away
and i will never be warm again...

and then she surprises me
by leaning in close,
by lingering after supper to share stories,
by tickling and crawling into the bed
between her dad and me
to watch silly chocadooby videos on his iphone...

and i'm warm and happy and basking in her sunshine smile.

Disbelief...

I did it.

I finally
actually
really
effing
did
it.

I
stood
up there
in front of a mic
in front of other people
in front of other writers
and
I read something
of
my
own.

out loud.

and it was so much fucking harder than i ever thought it would be.

but
I did it

and someday
I might even do it again

(and the best part?
that when I finished reading my first piece
a woman in the audience
called out
"more! more!")