existence

i am trying to come to the page more often,
i'm feeling like all the other chaos and upset and anxiety and stress
in the past 8 months or more
has stifled me has been choking me has been holding me back
and now
that i see the pressure starting to lift,
the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel,
i feel energized and full of words and plans and goals and  spit and fire
and so i am going to try to come here first thing
every morning before my 45 minute trek to work
and just write happenstance,
just unload...expel...release...

i have missed this feeling.

weightless

i feel as if a weight
has been lifted off me,
my ribs expand
i can breathe again

i inhale the release
summer brings
long days
sunshine shadows on the pavement
slushies and freezies and waffle cones dripping
down the length of my arm
and the
sweet smell of clover
and fresh cut hay
on my morning commute.

i can breathe again.

summer lovin'

sweet summer heat
and a silent house...
this week has been a bit crazy
with a happy canada day
complete with fireworks
and a lost {and happily found & returned} i-phone
and sparklers catching our beach blanket aflame
{just a little, but enough to totally freak me out}
the rest of the weekend
spent napping
and de-cluttering
and attempting to placate a dog with hurt feelings
about the new kitten that has taken up residence
in his house
{and is allowed to go upstairs, where he has never been allowed}

i sit here now
at the tail end of a sunny sunday
wishing the weekend could be just little longer
wanting to savor it just a little bit more,
to wrap up the remnants like an all day sucker
to put in my pocket and save for days
like mondays...

empty

lonely friday nights
spent wondering if i was wrong
to want
time
to myself...
now that i have it
i no longer know what to do with it...
dark house
meaningless tv droning in the background
my breath heavy
my footsteps echo

kamikaze

my head is spinning
in all kinds of directions...
work, money, lack of money
bills, writing,
time
lack of time
connections
goals
walking
exercise
sunshine...running on empty
not enough sleep
trying to catch up on the shows i've missed
need a new cd to go in the new car...
photography...upcoming weddings...engagement photos next week
baby photos tonight
have to put the last family's photos on a disc and deliver
don't forget to charge the battery again
whose turn is it for dishes
what time do i have to pick up 11?
why are these jeans so tight...
yoga...breathing...slow it down...meditate
have to pay that fine
why are there never any groceries in this house
has it been that long since i wrote a blog post
broken lawnmower
last week of school
need a barbeque
where
do
i
start...
deep breaths...deep breaths...deep breaths