dare...to admit {oneword @ shutter sisters}

{a realization that hit me today...out of the blue...}
{when i dared to let myself stop and think about it...}

why do i often catch myself lately thinking
what is the use? what is the use of creating...
of documenting...of photographing...

i have to get out of this.
i have to rid of this mindset, not let it set in.
i do these things because they make
happy...that should be my main reason.
i do it because i love it.
and i have to let go of the idea of doing it for a living,
doing it for monetary gain
because that is holding me back....
wondering will it sell?
is it good enough?
will people like it?
bending my usual tastes, bending my ideas
to conform to what other people might like enough
to pay money for
when really, what i really need to be asking myself
is not why bother, but why do i want to do it...
what draws me to wanting to be creative...

and it is
because that's how i
enjoy spending
my time.


if someone else enjoys what i do and
i happen to make enough to support my
crafting habit, then that is fine.

but i think,
for myself,
right now,
i have to remove the "business" factor from it.
i like my job...i want this to be for me.

which doesn't mean if someone wanted to buy something
i wouldn't sell it...or if someone approached me
with photography in mind, i would jump at the chance
i'm not going to see myself as a failure
if someone doesn't.

i am doing this stuff for me.

no pressure.
no strategy.
just me.

i dare.

{edited to add that i just want to clarify
that this does not mean i think people should not
craft for money or for a living...
i am amazed and inspired by the many people
that do.
but i found for myself, this was holding me back,
this was becoming a roadblock...
especially thinking about what everyone else can
create and wondering what i could possibly have
to contribute....this is the thinking i need to let go of.}