sunday night
and i sit in the dim light of the computer screen
and wonder
what brings me here today...
why today
instead of yesterday
or the day before
or tomorrow even.

but today.

i went to writers workshop this morning
and left feeling
not as sure of myself anymore.
i left feeling vulnerable
and raw and irritable and
a little broken inside.

i'm not sure what happened,
why this all came bubbling out like battery acid
but it did.
and i'm still feeling the slight but shaken after effects
leaving me angry and cold.

the girl giving the workshop was amazing,
don't get me wrong.  it had nothing at all to do with the workshop
or the people in it or the material or the location...
it was me.

it was all me.

wondering why i do this.
why i put myself out there...
what am i looking for...what do i hope to acheive.

if i want to write,
then why don't i just

what am i scared of.