2012....it's hard to know what to say about you...

i love january.

i love shiny happy pretty new years resolutions
written on a fresh sheet of paper
snow white
crisply numbered...

but i think i need to
2012 before i can
move on to 2013.

2012 was a bit of a crazy year...
with lots of change...
change i did not see coming...some of it good,
some of it...scary as hell.

two years ago
i started a list of
"things to be proud of me for"
and i think this year sums it up for me
in a nutshell...
an up and down happy and sad scary and exciting nutshell of a list.

  • Was offered a new position within the same organization but so much closer to home...and i LOVE, love, LOVE it.
  • a second art/photography show where i felt a little more prepared and put myself out on a limb just a tiny little bit more...baby steps
  • the Guardian article {a local newspaper}after my last art/photography show
  • drove over the Confederation Bridge (with S in the car) and drove in another province without crying {except coming very close at one intersection}
  • did a bridge at yoga...{the instructor even called out to me and said it was a beautiful bridge} :)
  • no cavities and did not cry during the dreaded horrible scraping of the tartar
  • i survived shingles.  avoid this if you can.
  • that i kept it together the night of S's accident...the night i found him in a field...broken and hurt and alone.
  • i drove to halifax and back...all by myself...i did things like elevators and parking garages and toll booths and slept in a chair beside his bed and asked the questions and made the demands when the pain seemed to be too much.
  • that i was able to put hobbes down...even though it was by far one of the hardest decisions i've ever, ever had to make.  it still breaks my heart in ways i cannot explain...i was never a dog person, never a pet person...i complained about dog hair.  i complained about barking.  i complained.  i complained.  i complained.  but i still have this empty gaping hole in my heart that aches every time i thing about him....and it happens far more often then i ever dreamt it would.  we had him for 13 years.  17 took this photo of him... 

  •  that i held it together when my camera broke in the middle of a wedding i was shooting and i had no back up camera on the same weekend that i had put hobbes down.
  • that i stood up to someone that i felt was being mean...{this is big for me...i am the quiet, non-confrontationalist}
  • i went up in a bucket truck!!!
  • i did 3.7 km in a relay marathon! {painfully and slowly and with much cursing and complaining but i did it.}
  • coordinated two meetings that had totally stressed me out
  • joined a writing group.  and shared out loud. 
  • read 23 books! {8 more than last year!} 
and that was my 2012-the-condensed-version...now to plan for 2013...
happy new year!!