suddenly 19...

this kid…

i went back and read old blog posts
written on earlier birthdays…
every year, I am surprised by his age, it seems…
every year, I am like…
how can this be?
how can he be nine? ten? 12?
17?
18?

19.
really?
nineteen.
old enough to go places he wasn’t before,
old enough to drink…

it boggles my mind.

happy birthday, bighead.
every year, I am also so happy
that you are who you are…
independent, strong minded, responsible
and so funny, creative and original…

you’ll be just fine as a grown-up, I think…
but I’ll always win in an arm wrestle.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

i'm having a hard time even typing 18...

because
that can't be right.
somewhere along the line
i think we must have done the
math wrong...
he can't be 18
already.

i want to stop time.
freeze the clock.
when is someone going to
make an app
that lets you
rewind
and live in those little moments again..

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18 years.
and i couldn't be prouder.
a perfect mix of sweet and sarcastic,
responsible and fun,
interested in everything...
from fixing his own car to video games to go pros and airsoft guns,
always patiently smiling & nodding
when i make him look at
robots i drew and new markers i bought and
toys that i found...
always willing to run to needs, to the grocery store,
to drive me to work, to fill the car with gas...

happy birthday bighead...
now...how do you feel about
picking up your own cake?
:) :) :) :)

17

on saturday,
my boy turned 17.

17.
how can that be.
seventeen.

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and on friday, he got his driver's license...

i feel like time
is playing tricks on me...
it is speeding down a highway
with the windows wide open
and the radio blaring
and the trees & the mailboxes
are flying past
in a blur.

i would like it to slow down a little...
you know...maybe do 40 kms for a bit,
on a quiet country road
with a warm breeze
and the sound of crickets and frogs...

i want to pump the brakes a little.

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my little big-headed boy with the dark brown eyes
and messy hair...now taller than his dad
(but still with messy hair)
cars, music, gaming, future plans (a and b)...
always so sweet and funny and thoughtful ♥

happy birthday, bighead.
it's gonna be a great year.

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