cause i am dorky....but you knew that....that's why we are friends...

Every year,
I choose one word
to be a compass for the year….
some years, it works out
fantastically (like glow! and adventure!),
other years can be a bit of a bust.

Last year my word was Resolve…
which was ok…i mean…it worked….
I did some grown up stuff,
and I came to terms with some stuff
about me and who I am/was/hope to be.

But I didn’t really feel like it
lit a fire under me…it was just….
ok as a word.

This year, I chose CULTIVATE…

And I am pretty excited about this.
I feel like this is the year
I start to put the broken pieces of myself
that I have been picking up off the floor
and digging out from under the bed
and finding tucked into the back corner
of the closet
and start nurturing them, putting them back together,
to nourish and love and encourage
the little geek girl in me…heh.

This year will see a resurgence
of the 50 in my 50’s list
(see how flexibly I keep adapting the
title to make it work with my procrastination….heh)…
I want to be a year
of learning and growth and
deepening my current friendships/relationships
and being open to new ones.

I want it to be year of loving life…
embracing it fully and if you are in my life,
be prepared for my attention and affection
and hopes that you will join me
in grabbing this year
by the throat and loving it hard and with feeling.
(yeah, sometimes I am overly dramatic…)

Life is short.
What matters to me right now
are the people in my life…
the experiences we share,
the adventures, the connections…
I want to look back at 2023
and feel a full heart,
to know I lived a year in
honesty and vulnerability…
with my pollyanna positively annoying attitude
and that every day,
I tried to make someone somewhere smile,
even just a little bit….
cause that makes me smile, too.

Sooooooooooooo….
consider this fair warning…
oh, and if you are up for
paintballing, rockclimbing
or tandem skydiving,
let me know.
heehee.
:)

farewell to 2022....

i know that sounds dramatic
but….
i’m allowed.

i have been sick.
that’s gotta buy me some
artistic liberties, i think. :)

all in all,
2022 was actually a pretty good for year
for me.

a bit of a recap in bullet point form:

• got a new laptop named iris

• tried chef’s plate with mostly success

• made a smurf display in the corner cabinet

• watched roughly 19 years of grey’s anatomy IN ONE YEAR

• wisdom tooth extracted after about 9 years of “it’s fine”….

• survived COVID (August - made me miss family camping)

• survived pneumonia (December - SO MUCH WORSE than COVID)

• purple hair in various iterations

• read 38 books! (goal was 35)

• survived fiona with one tree down & a mcgyvered sub pump

• rebuilt the deck with Cam’s help

• painted many things in my front yard purple, orange & yellow, including the door (purple)

• my dad’s emergency surgery scare

• did the wellness cocoon, acupuncture, chiropractor & may have gotten a family dr

• brought home samir the squishmallow, a car tent, a pink car mattress & a hammock

• got a park pass, went roadtripping — Wolfville with Cathy; Isle Madam with Andrea; and Cabot Trail with my brothers & wives & island-tripping with old friends home from away Angela & Chris

• got coyote spray and reclaimed the trails!!!!

• saw the skydiggers again with Cathy, heehee

• pushed out of my comfort zone with 80’s rollerskating!! and the Land & See photography workshops!!

• had a totally sweet and unexpected surprise on my birthday

• did the grown up stuff — Bell cell phone saga; got the furnace cleaned; replaced a door knob ALL BY MYSELF

• saw an almost really big murmuration!!

• listened to 182, 207 minutes of music

• sat wayyyyyyy too close to the fireworks; went to the parade; stock cars and smash up derby; minions movie; (all of this by myself and that’s ok) :)

i did some creative stuff, too, but….
not really enough to talk about.

painted some cards…did most of a month of inktober…
started a floral alphabet, finished nothing.

but that’s ok.
some years you do, some years you don’t.

but…..i kinda feel excited about 2023….
i have plans and goals and aspirations and
i feel all butterflies-in-my-belly
when i think about it,
and THAT is a good way to feel
about a new year coming in.

i hope the end of december
finds you happy and loved and
full of turkey dinners and
super sweet cupcakes…

and sending you all the best for 2023!

taking a breath...

We were incredibly lucky
at the big orange house
as far as hurricane effing fiona went.

We lost one big tree in the back,
one of my prettiest trees
and I feel guilty even being sad
about that when so many people
lost so much more…
the destruction is heart breaking.

I can’t even look at it anymore.
I avoid facebook or tiktok or
anywhere that shows the
homes washed away,
the roofs blown off,
the destruction of beaches and
shoreline and wharves and boats
and dunes…bridges washed out completely,
flooding, power outages for days,
beautiful trees uprooted
and broken…
it hurts my heart
to see my island this way…

I know it can be fixed and rebuilt
to some degree but for now
I just can’t look anymore.
I don’t want to drive around in this..
and not just because it’s still dangerous to do so
but because
I think I would cry.

So instead,
I cope how I always cope…
avoidance & distraction.
Doodles of little geek girls with
stripey stocks and pig tails,
eating jello cups,
watching cartoons
and reading on the deck.

I hope everything is ok where you are.
That you are warm and fed and safe…
♥♥♥

It's been a long, long time....

I’m not sure what happened.
Summer blew by me in the
blink of an eye.
Now it’s September,
the end of September at that
and I am trying to get myself
back into productive mode
but it’s been hard,
I won’t lie.

But every day,
I get at least one more stupid
grown up task
crossed off my
grown up list…
(and add 3 more, heh).

Some bullet point truths I have learned
(or in some cases, relearned)

• no name diet cola is pretty ok. It’ll do in a pinch.

• extreme weather still terrifies me & makes me want to cry

• i LOVE jello cups…like….LOOOOOVE

• routines and consistency calm me even though I fight them

• fine tip felt pens are ♥

• admitting you need help with something doesn’t mean you are weak…it’s not a flaw…it’s kinda sorta a strength….(but still awful hard to do).

Hoping that this stupid stupid head
hurricane fiona
gets downgraded or dissolves
or whatever it is stupid hurricanes do
to disappear….
I have books and diet coke,
a sump pump plan of action
and possibly a flashlight maybe….
I think I will hunker down
with a weighted blanket and
some jello cups, a couple cartoons
and a pug
until all this goes away.
♥

post-covid-brain

i feel stunned…
literally.
Like my brain is
working
in slow motion.

I feel like I am
in this weird state
of hyper awareness…
every breath I take
feels like a thought
to be considered…
my movements feel
measured and
careful,
like I am
thinking
too hard about everything
that I am doing
instead of just letting it
happen naturally…

It’s a weird feeling…
a feeling of being suspended.
I’m not tired
but I want to sleep
this feeling away…
I want to wake up
and feel sharp and alive…

It’s a weird feeling.