update on uncertainty

well...
to add to my confusion
i recklessly sent in a resume
to a call center

and they just called me

and i have an interview tomorrow

which i am probably going to cancel

cause i don't think i can go thru with this

fuck.

should i stay or should i go????cue the music

sigh.

here is my dilemma...

i don't know what i want to be when i grow up.

i'm 35, well, i will be 35 in sept although i always start saying i'm a year older
as soon as my birthday comes...don't ask, i don't know why?
anyhow, thats totally off topic.

so i always thought that if i could just get my early childhood education diploma
i would be happy doing that...
well
i have it
and i'm not so happy anymore.
i thought i do provide childcare from my home
and that would eliminate need for trusting anyone else with my own children
well
i have done that for the past 2 years
and my youngest will be starting school in september
so now what...
do i stay or do i go?

i could work at a daycare
but there are no daycares in my town that i would really want to work at
i don't really enjoy the institutional idea of daycare anyway
(heh heh i know ironic but what can i say)
people used to ask me what daycare my own children went to
while i was working or taking my course
and i had to bite back
the look of sheer shock and revulsion
"my children in daycare????"
heh...
we always had someone come in to look after them
which also has its drawbacks as we found out
but not until i was done of my course and working from home
and then my youngest who was a late talker
began talking
about the childcare provider we had for him
and how she used to tell him to shut up....
anyhow...i am not going to talk about this because
i get too upset.

so.
what was i saying?

oh yeah...what do i do? we bought this house
and its huge really
but there is no "seperate" space for childcare...
i can do childcare here but its not with the same expectations that i have for doing it...
oh christ
i don't know
i go back and forth on this daily...
when things are going smooth i love it
when its hot and the kids are cranky and parents are saying things
that could be taken in various ways
(she looks awfully hot)
well do you mean that i shouldn't have them outside cause last week the innuendo
was that i WASN'T taking them outside enough
and not getting paid
and christ.
but
then that brings me back to childcare for my own children
unless i can get a job that falls between 9 and 3
and pays well
and is within walking distance
cause did i mention
i am a thirty five year old
without a drivers license?
hmmmm
i thought not.

sorry really for the all-over-the-mappedness of this post
but
thats kind of how i feel right now...
sigh.

uh..yeah...i think you missed the point...

dear kraft canada people who make
kraft dinner which my kids all like
and its quick and easy and cheap
and whom i generally don't have a problem with...

when i sent you an email the other day
to complain
politely
about the microwave directions NOT being on the box
and having to LOOK UP ON THE INTERNET for the directions
what i was complaining about was the idiocy and irritation
of HAVING TO LOOK ON THE INTERNET FOR THE DIRECTIONS
when they have been on the side of the box for so long now...
so long really, that i know i should know them
but that
is beside my point....

my point is
put the effing directions on the box and don't assume i have internet
and don't assume i have time to look on the internet
and don't say well just cook it on the stove then
cause that would be yet another assumption
(and i currently don't have a stove..so there you go)

so...sending me the directions by email
was so
not
what i was looking for...
what i really wanted was confirmation
that i
am right
and you
are wrong.

so...thanks for a great product
but never assume we know how to make it
some of us out here have tried to boil french fries
cause
thats how we thought you deep fried them
have a nice day.

sigh...

i would like a government job
please
and
an iced cappucino
and
a trip to the beach...
oh and some extra cash would be nice
and
well
if you have it
i would like the capability and willpower
to lose a few pounds...

thanks

i fucking wish that...

  • i hadn't just played bejewelled for the last 2 fucking hours of my life resulting not only in my being pissed off because i wasted that much time, but also that my arm is now numb and tingly in an unpleasant way and mad that jg says that game is boring within 23 seconds which says what about me and mostly pissed off and irritated that i played for that effing long and still didn't beat my effing high score...

  • bloody rotten fucking dog from pit-bull hell next door would shut his yappy, barky, paranoid yip for one hour...one measly hour...
  • or better yet, that the parents/owners/grownups responsible for said yapping annoying night owl of a dog WOULD BRING HIM IN THE HOUSE...no, really, its the middle of the night...take him in or let him off the fucking leash so he will run away to a house where people will love him (including his neighbors) because he will be LET in the house....
  • i would have taken the opportunity to pee before the great and powerful OGG (who can also tile floors) started tiling the bathroom floor
  • (in a similar vein of hindsight) that i would not have drank 2 glasses of diet coke while playing bejewelled for 2 hours because now I REALLY HAVE TO PEE...god damn it
  • that i would have realized that writing all this stuff about needing to pee was only going to make the need seem that much worse...