sanity



it is the white birch
outside my window
that keeps me going

with it's brilliant orange leaves
offset by the graying white of the peeling birch
and the surrounding greens and browns
of the trees around it
showcased and framed
picture-perfectedly
through new windows
trimmed in handmade
white boston headers...

perhaps
that should be my religion...
my calling...
my release...

bloody-nose-running-hell

argh.

last week the kids i look after were sick
all week
and then my kids got it
and the other kids still had it
and now i've got it
and yet
the other kids STILL have it...

i'm so sick of snotty noses
i could crack.

i can feel that eye twitch
coming on again.
i did a stress test in a magazine
and it said that eye twitchs can be a sign
of stress...
heh.
any wonder mine was twitching like a bastard
all last week...
just adds to the overall effect
of the bad-hair-cut-no-makeup-living-in-sweatpants
and now effing eye-twitching person i have become...
aaarrrrggghhh...

i so wish...

i knew how to knit
to sew
to crochet
to make my own paper out of scraps
to quilt
to paint
to build things from wood
to make necklaces
and jewellry
from wire and beads...

i wish i had a sewing machine
i wish i had a glue gun
i wish i had a room of my own
i wish i had the guts to give myself permission
to do what i want to do...

if i did
i would write
poetry and novels
and letters of deep meaning
to new friends...

i would take pictures
and develop them in my own dark room
and make fragile and candy-cane sweet christmas
decorations from sugar and water and glue..

and i think i would care less
that my hair cut sucks
and i am wearing comfy pants
and a pumpkin orange sweatshirt
if they were stained
with ink and paint
and my own creative juices...

sigh.

'appy 'appy fri-day

things i love today...

the white birch tree outside my kitchen window
pale green flannel sheets
nuzzles at the back of my neck while doing dishes
this ancient but beloved cd
a lingering cuddle with ten after she hurt herself on the step