creative affirmity.

My Core Negative Beliefs (or those-that-rang-true-to-me)

  • I don't have good enough ideas (or original enough)
  • I will do bad work and not know it and look like a fool
  • It's too late. If I haven't become a fully functioning artist yet, I never will.
  • I will find out that I'm not good enough.

Positive Spins
  • I am an original.
  • It's the PROCESS not the END PRODUCT
  • NEVER is too late...
  • I'm a goonie...i'm good enough for me :)
My Creative Affirmity

I AM ALLOWED TO NURTURE MY ARTIST.

I AM WILLING TO CREATE.

i am willing learn to let myself create.

i am willing to
E X P E R I E N C E
my creative energy.

i am willing to USE my creative talents.

digging deep.

"Remember that in order to recover as an artist,
you must be willing to be a BAD artist."

"Give yourself permission to be a beginner."

These were very important words for me to read while
doing the first real chapter of the Artist's Way. I have
always thought of myself as having the potential to be
creative or artistic and was aware (and yet, always
surprised) that other people naturally saw me that way,
but have always been scared to actually do anything about
it.

I have always written. Diaries, journals, notebooks, scribblers,
scrap sheets of paper, the back of tests, napkins, paper
towel, back of grocery lists and on the receipts...i am
constantly writing something...lists, lines, poems,
lyrics, doodling, scribbling, rhyming, planning, scheming,
coping.

And yet, I have never done anything about it. Sure, I had
two poems printed in my university newspaper, but
don't they just accept anyone's? And yeah, I did get
15 out of 15 on the journal I was instructed to keep
for my Women's Studies class in university even
after the professor told us she never gives a full mark,
so not to expect one. But didn't she just do that to
soften up the "you might want to look into
professional help" remark she had noted on the side?

What do I want out of this course? Out of this book?
Out of this experience?
I want to uncover myself.
I want to be more like "me" again.
I want to be a force to be reckoned with...
I want to be me.

I had a little trouble with the "negative self talk
and where does it come from" part because I
honestly don't see/hear myself giving myself
negativity. Most of the time, I'm quite sure of
myself. But if that is the case, then what is holding
me back? There must be something.

Perhaps the answer lies within the questions
and the morning pages and the taking the time
to listen to myself closer.

synchronicity

i have determined that
this
is going to be my year
to evolve into a truer form of myself...
this is the year
i am going to listen to those little voices
in my head begging to learn to knit, to sew,
to paint, to create something...
this is going to be my year.

last year, i asked for and received The Artist's Way
for christmas...i started doing it, and then, stopped...
it just didn't feel right...
i put it away and thought about it from time to time
but as we got closer to the middle of the year
i decided to wait for january to start it again
(i've got a thing about january's and blank slates and fresh starts)
so this week, i started reading it.

and then, i was reading artsymama's blog
and there it was!
an open invitation to join a group online
and work through the book together...
i could barely stop myself from clapping my hands...
alright, so i didn't stop myself...heh heh

and the funny thing is the theory of synchronicity...
the happenstance chance of my decision to hold off
on doing the book, my wish that there was someone
to do it with, and my finding the blog group the same
week that i start the book...random coincidence?
and there other things that are changing in my life
that make me think this is really it, this is my time
to focus on this part of me...
my job is going to be changing to allow me a lot more
free time and less stress...
the kids are both in school and my husband has
developed his own hobby (online gaming, heehee)...
i have more resources at my hand and space that i
have ever had before...

this is my year...
i can feel it.

oh great and powerful ogg...

happy birthday...

i don't even know where to begin
to explain or convey or describe
how much you mean to me...

words fail to grasp the enormity...

i would be lost without you
you are my other side,
rational when i am not...
whimsical and silly when i am being too serious...
supportive to my every plan, idea or theory
no matter how misguided...
always listening, always hearing what i'm saying,
always caring about i think...

i feel so lucky to have shared
eleven years out of your now 32...
you are an amazing husband, father, son, brother
and
best friend...

happy birthday, navy-sock-boy.