mmmmm...books :)

books that i have read and loved at some point in my life:

anne of green gables

fall on your knees-- anne marie macdonald (if you read
nothing else on this list, make sure
you read this one at least...you
will thank me, i promise...)

the way the crow flies-- anne marie macdonald
the piano mans daughter-- timothy findley
elephant winter-- kim echlin
alias grace margaret-- atwood
the book of ruth-- jane hamilton
bridge to terabithia-- katherine paterson (young adult
but...well...just read it)
the rapture of canaan-- sheri reynolds
away-- jane urqhart
startdust-- neil gaiman
about a boy-- nick hornby
canadian living-- peter gzowski
from bruised fell-- jane findlay young
kits law-- donna morrisey
island-- alistair macleod

i thought about putting links to each of these,
but holy...that seems like a lot of work
and my hands are cold
and i only have a limited amount of time
before the rugrats stir from their slumber,
so...i may not get them linked...
i will link my totally-favorite-you-HAVE-to-read
ones, ok?
maybe...if the kids don't wake up...
and i find some gloves....
heh.

also...you may (or you may not) note
that most of these authors
are canadian...
i don't know why, i never plan it,
but i am inexplicably drawn to canadian
authors just by the cover alone...
i don' t seach them out,
they just find me...
i'm ok with that.

5 lives?

if i had 5 lives
to lead
what would i
choose
to be?
a teacher of some sort--kindergarden, elementary, something respected
and yet, fun...ideally, i would like to teach the ECCE program in my area

animator--or a person that colors in the animations...i would LOVE to get
paid to color for a living

driver of heavy machinery--like something that has a crane or a boom or
a big metal swinging ball on it :)
an author of children's books

a renowned critic/reviewer of books so that i could get FREE books sent
to me...sigh...

things i can do this week in order to be "doing" one of these?

i could work with my kids on themes, planning and hone up my childcare
business. i could join my local ECDA. i could do this one really, i have
the qualifications, i would just need the iniatitive and the sense of security
that this IS the path i want to take...

i could color...i love to color...i could buy myself a box of NEW crayons,
a box of 96 crayons...did you know they come in 96's now...not just 64's
i'm getting breathless just thinking about it, heehee

hmmmm...heavy machinery is a hard one....i don't even have a driver's
license, heh heh.

children's book...i guess i could just jump right in and write one....its not
like i don't have enough kids around of varying ages to be a test
audience...hmmmmm....

review books? i guess i could review what i already read...heh...not like
i don't do that anyway...heehee

creative affirmity.

My Core Negative Beliefs (or those-that-rang-true-to-me)

  • I don't have good enough ideas (or original enough)
  • I will do bad work and not know it and look like a fool
  • It's too late. If I haven't become a fully functioning artist yet, I never will.
  • I will find out that I'm not good enough.

Positive Spins
  • I am an original.
  • It's the PROCESS not the END PRODUCT
  • NEVER is too late...
  • I'm a goonie...i'm good enough for me :)
My Creative Affirmity

I AM ALLOWED TO NURTURE MY ARTIST.

I AM WILLING TO CREATE.

i am willing learn to let myself create.

i am willing to
E X P E R I E N C E
my creative energy.

i am willing to USE my creative talents.

digging deep.

"Remember that in order to recover as an artist,
you must be willing to be a BAD artist."

"Give yourself permission to be a beginner."

These were very important words for me to read while
doing the first real chapter of the Artist's Way. I have
always thought of myself as having the potential to be
creative or artistic and was aware (and yet, always
surprised) that other people naturally saw me that way,
but have always been scared to actually do anything about
it.

I have always written. Diaries, journals, notebooks, scribblers,
scrap sheets of paper, the back of tests, napkins, paper
towel, back of grocery lists and on the receipts...i am
constantly writing something...lists, lines, poems,
lyrics, doodling, scribbling, rhyming, planning, scheming,
coping.

And yet, I have never done anything about it. Sure, I had
two poems printed in my university newspaper, but
don't they just accept anyone's? And yeah, I did get
15 out of 15 on the journal I was instructed to keep
for my Women's Studies class in university even
after the professor told us she never gives a full mark,
so not to expect one. But didn't she just do that to
soften up the "you might want to look into
professional help" remark she had noted on the side?

What do I want out of this course? Out of this book?
Out of this experience?
I want to uncover myself.
I want to be more like "me" again.
I want to be a force to be reckoned with...
I want to be me.

I had a little trouble with the "negative self talk
and where does it come from" part because I
honestly don't see/hear myself giving myself
negativity. Most of the time, I'm quite sure of
myself. But if that is the case, then what is holding
me back? There must be something.

Perhaps the answer lies within the questions
and the morning pages and the taking the time
to listen to myself closer.