regret on a poetry thursday.

following the theme
of an unfinished conversation
here is my contribution...


when i said- its like
i'm living in my parent's house
all over again...
i wish i would have
clarified
defined
rationalized
that what i meant
was not
what i had just
said.

what i had just
said
sounded like
regret,
like distaste,
like bitter upset
at what you provided
for
my childhood,
at what you
offered
as a life.

what i meant
was
yes...
it is a house
of renovation
but full of
foundation...
of trial and error,
discussion and disagreement,
of sweet deep kisses
stolen between
sheets of drywall.

what i meant
was not
what i had just
said.

where-i-am-wednesday-week-3

hurrah!

the gifts for the baby shower were
done just in the nick of time....

above is a painted canvas
to go on his wall...
i wanted to put ribbon on the top
to hang it with
but just ran out of danged time...

above are letters that
i bought at michaels
and painted

i hate that my pictures seem so dark!
i tried every room in the house,
with no luck...
wahhhhh.

i can't even begin to tell you
how happy i was to be
done
quilting damn
bugs...
it was my first time really
attempting to quilt something
and i learned as i went...
for example,
that i didn't have to pull
the stitches
so tight
but in the end
i was fairly happy
with the result...

and now...to focus
on the
kitchen.
ack.

a momentary lapse of mind.

belated poetry thursday...

first,
an explanation.

i sat on the boardwalk
and listened to this woman sing...
i had to go and buy a pen and notepad
to doodle in
while she sang...

this is part of the result.

struck incomprehensibly
by your words
manically searching for
journal and pen
wanting somehow
to relate,
longing somehow
to feel release
again.

and a second jotting...

drumming
against
the molecules
of you

the atoms
of which
you consist

your voice
coming
through muted
airways.

tardy.

(so you know...
this post kind of
got away from me
and i have decided to let it...
to not rein it in...
to not tone it down...
so...
bad words ahead.)

i am going to post for poetry thursday,
it's just that
the prompt made me remember a poem
that i wrote a long time ago
and i have been trying to find it.

it was the first thing
that came to my head as soon
as i read the prompt.

my other choice was to write about
R...because august 5 is a rotten day...
a fucking rotten day really.
and any prompt that asks me to
think about music
automatically brings me to R.
even if tomorrow wasn't august 5...
a fucking rotten day.

and i have been walking alot
with my new mp3 player
which i love
but also brings back
strong, tangible memory
of walking with R.
and sharing the headphones
of our walkman...
of family vacation car rides
sharing the walkman
and belting papa don't preach
in the back seat.

and seeing this video
made me laugh
and cry a little
cause i knew that i was one half
of the pair that once knew
where he scrunched in nose
and screamed when he
messed his hair.

so.
this is not what i intended
to write
tonight.
tonight.
the night before august 5...
which is really a fucking rotten,
rotten fucking day.

where-i-am-wednesday-week-2

so...
i have not been "here" lately...
but i have been here...

-crying on the couch watching this movie...

-completely utterly totally enthralled and caught up
in this book...you NEED to read this book...i NEED
to read her other books...
-happy to have finally finished 100 years of solitude...
it was worth reading...it was hard reading, but i'm glad
that i stuck with it in the end...
i will say there was one part at the end,
one visual,
that will stay with me...
and not necessarily a happy visual,
but will stay nonetheless.

-sitting in this chair, knitting like mad,
trying to finish a baby shower gift now that
i know the shower is this tuesday coming...
ack!
-in the gawdawfuluglykitchen trying to hash out decorating
details on a pitifully small budget...here is a small
yet scary
sampling of what we are working with...




can you say "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww". blech. yuck.

-oh...and dressing WAY out of my comfort zone for a wedding...

where have you been?