i'm back!

(photo and art done by eleven)

it's monday
and i feel more like myself than i have
in the last two weeks...
i had a flu that morphed into a chest ravaging cough
and then i didn't get the job
and i had no energy
and just felt blah
and wanted to sleep
alot...

but now i feel more like me!
and i want to say thanks to
everyone that left sweet comments,
it means so much to know that
people understand...
:)

but now i'm back
and hope to be posting and creating
and making and planning and listing
much more regularly...

like my dad always says....

maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

that thing that i really really wanted
that was just within my grasp
slipped out
and went to another person
who had more experience
facilitating groups...

it was a job opportunity.

and i didn't get it.

and that sucks.

but whatever...i'm resilient...

longing. and fear.

i haven't been able to write much
this weekend.

my head just hasn't been in it.

you see,
there is something out there
in the world
that i want so bad
that it makes my stomach muscles
tense up to think of it,
it raises my anxiety to think
of someone else getting it...

and i am within an arm's reach...
i can almost touch it
but it can still be easily
taken by someone else
and i won't know until wednesday...

so that is where my head is.

visualizing what my life will be like
if i have this "thing"
visualizing my response if i don't
get what i want...

sorry for being so cryptic...
i just don't want to jinx myself...
heehee.

thursday

the house is steeped
in darkness
and silence today.

i have no poem to share,
nothing to say...
no tale to tell,
no argument to hold sway.

instead there is rain
and quiet
and the feeling of
being alone
without
being lonely.

stupid five alive.

dear five alive people.

i don't like juice.
any juice.
it makes my throat feel sticky.

but i am sick.
i have the flu.
chills, cough, sore throat,
and so on...
so
i made myself drink 3 juice boxes
of five alive.

imagine my surprise at finding
out that although the juice is
called five alive CITRUS
and boasts NO ARTIFICIAL COLORS OR FLAVORS
have been added
and claims to be a REAL FRUIT BEVERAGE
there is zero percent vitamin c.
zero.
nada.
zilch.

why am i drinking it?

and why was i buying it for my kids?

stupid five alive.
stupid sore throat
which also now feels sticky, too.

ugh.