coming to the page on a saturday...

i doubt you want to follow my stream {of consciousness}
today
as it eddys over now-familiar-once-foreign
sad and lonely terrain...
i should be sun-baked happy,
i should be ...

instead i am disheartened
and wondering...
puzzled and sullen...
worried
quiet
still.

waiting for the tide to come in
and sweep it all away...
waiting for time to pass,
waiting for a new day.

friday-i'm-in-love...




with summer
and sunshine
and flowers on strawberry plants.
with bands i forgot i liked {sloan}
and fresh berry smoothies made in a new blender...
i'm in love with 8 making it through a sleepover
for the first time as a friend's house
{in a bittersweet kinda way}
i'm in love with my pilates class
and walking on the boardwalk at seven in the morning
seeing the sun glint off the water
and feeling the water in the air...
i'm in love with trying the tripod
and not feeling too self conscious...
{it was in my own yard, after all...}
and i'm so in love with having a week's vacation
starting at 3:00 tomorrow...
:0)

so sad...


eight had a bad dream last night...
"a sad dream" by his account.

he laid beside me on the couch
and told me that in his dream,
twelve was crying
and he asked me why she was crying.

he said i told him that it just because
i had low blood sugar
but that he knew in the dream that
i was just saying that,
so he wouldn't be scared.

and then i "randomly fell out of the sky
and hit my car" and he asked if i was dead
and i said yes...
and that he was crying in the dream
and when he woke up, he was crying for real
in his bed

and it broke my heart
to hear him tell that dream,
so earnest, so serious, so sad...
and it makes you aware of how badly
you want to protect them
not only from danger and hurt and bad choices
but from sadness
and upset
and grief...
even in dreams.