friday i'm in love....


and things are coming around...
i'm feeling better...some of the issues
i talked about earlier are starting to
fade {but not gone...sadly}

but i have to start digging myself
out of this hole that i have let myself
get too comfortable in....

so.

friday i'm in love...
~with the feeling of finally starting to get
caught up again...on photos, on email, on
housework, on drs appts and bills...

~with this movie...

~with what we had for supper last night...

~with letting go and accepting that everything
not only does not have to be perfect
all the time, but it is most like NOT going to
be perfect all the time...let go. let go. let go.
{and that it is OK to let go...}

5 truths on a tuesday...


~i am struggling a little the last couple of weeks.
i have been sick...nothing serious but something
that definitely didn't make me happy...plus
headaches and fatigue...and feeling down...about me...
worried about some serious relationship stuff...
worried about a very close family member who i just
don't know how to help...sometimes i think i should
just let go...i can't fix everything...i can't control it,
i can't be with them 24 hours a day...i can't make
them feel the way i want them to feel...sometimes
i just feel so overwhelmed by it all...by the worry
and the decisions and the responsibility and the
choices and the lack of control and the way it is
constantly like this lately...i guess maybe my kids
are just hitting turbulent ages emotionally...but
i think i have to learn to let go some...
but what is the balance? where is the line between
letting go and disconnecting.

~i don't have 5 truths. i only have that one.
all of everything balled up in one jumbled paragraph
of poor grammar and run on sentences and truth.
somedays, i feel like i am just treading water...
just trying to keep from drowning...
to keep from going under.

~i guess i have one other. no one else knows this.
no one else knows that i am feeling like this right now.
i have this side of me that refuses to let myself
talk about stuff like this out loud...i just can't.
i can't form the words.
i can write them...i can type them...but i can't
admit them out loud. that things are not always
great. that sometimes, things really suck.
{but never out loud. }

poetry thursday revisited...


it's been a long time since i've done a poetry thursday... but in honor of being brave and going to my first creative writing workshop all by myself, i thought this would be a good day to do it...

and in her true fashion
she wore T-shirts
with rainbows and
"save the trees"
scuffed shoes and
dirty knees
with her hair in her eyes
she'll cut you in half
and you
won't
even
know
it...
at least
that's what they used to say.

she's not so sure of herself
today.

friday i'm in love....


~with my new fall routine involving
journalling every morning, yoga
and music in the background...

~with freshly made lemon meringue pie

~with 14's happiness of having made showband!!

~with listening to Q podcasts in the morning while
i catch up on editing photos...

~with the fact that from the window where i sit
i can see the "fort" that 9 fashioned out of a ladder,
a patio chair, a screen door and lots of branches...

and unrelated...but needs to be said...
i'm scared about tomorrow.
i signed up for a creative writing workshop...
all by myself...45 minutes away...
and now...
well...
now i'm second guessing.

happy friday!!