day twenty-four...in which i admit...


5 truths...

i have not had time to do the 100 ideas.
and i'm cutting myself some slack on this....
i started a government program to help
me start my new business and have been
in class all day for the past two days
and when i'm home, i'm trying to get photos
edited for people who are waiting patiently...
so the 100 ideas will be done
just not in a 100 days.

i'm getting sick of mike and ikes.

i hate charmin commericials.
it's those bears wiping themselves.
it. grosses. me. out.

i would love to open a christmas present
this year and find a smurf mushroom house
(i saw them at walmart and fell in deep serious love.)

i'm scared about starting the photography
business
"for real"...
up until now...it didn't feel real...it felt like fun
and play and for now...but business plans and
market surveys and cash flow sheets kind of
suck the fun out of that....
but i'm trying to remember this is just a stage
of it...and then...it will be fun again...

day twenty-three...in which i resort to a list.

a day spent in a classroom
hot and stiff and
listening to talk of
marketing and surveys,
recessions and the
importance of good bookkeeping...

santa claus parade tonight
sitting on a sleeping bag
with ten
while 14 watches with her boyfriend
{but just down the street from us}
S. beside me
in his work coveralls
and me in his handknit earflap hat...

spaghetti for supper
before the parade...
watching out the window
with excitement
for the flashing lights,
too-crunchy-garlic-bread...

hot chocolate
and toast
when we get home...

warm slippers...
pajama pants...
the click clack of keys
the winding down
of a monday night
at home...

day twenty-one...pms and change and silence


and cranky
and fragile...
pms feels like it is running
rampant
through my veins
{like poison}
{like molten lead}
{like citric acid}
close to tears
at every turn...

i need to shift gears
i need to let go
i need to take a step back
away from myself
so i can really
see
myself.

deep breath
eyes closed
letting go

pause

and do it again.