a day behind already...heeheehee

it's a good thing i am not a perfectionist...
i'm already a day behind...

but mainly because
yesterday
i felt the uncontrollable need
to do a wedding video
for one of the weddings i did this summer...

this song has just been gnawing at me...
use me, use me, use me...i'm so good...just use me...
so...here it is...
it was my first time, so a bit of a learning curve...
there are things i would do differently, i think, if i was doing it again...
for example, i used mostly the shots from the formal shots
but now that i think about it, i wish i would have used some
from the "dance" as well...
but here it is...

friday i'm in love...

warm wind and rain...pelting against the windows
warm house, good book, hot chocolate
soft couch, cinnamon candles

corn chowder for supper

still with the damien rice,
still obsessing over delicate
still getting chills each time i hear the first chords
of blowers daughter ...


Eleven putting on his "gaming" clothes
and telling us about how other people
just wear random clothes to play video games
but that he prefers to put on his specific gaming clothes.

the fact that Eleven's new favorite word
is whatnot.
he adds it to almost every sentence, somehow...

a new sense of calm,
of treaty
of tentative peace...
i'm not sure how long it will last
but i will take her hugs
and sporadic stories of dances
and teachers and b movies
while i can get them...

nablopomo...its that time again...

i just realized on tuesday that it is november
which means nablopomo
{just as i also happened to realize that i had posted
twice
in one day
and thought
you know what?
maybe this is just what i need
to get me going again.}

so welcome to nablopomo
where i will commit
to coming to the page
once a day
every day
for the month of november.

i can't promise that it will always
be happy
or even interesting
but it will be here
i will be here
making an attempt

letting it go
spilling it a little
seeing what happens.

fifteen

we dance
you and i
one step forward
two steps back
you engage
i retreat
you stumble clumsily
i tromp on painfully with both feet...
going where no mom wants to be

somedays
we just have different beats.

but sometimes...
sweet sometimes...
we catch the same song
sometimes,
sweet sometimes,
i catch you humming along...

tuesday truths...

i am feeling much lighter
after that painful post...
and thank you for your comments
and for taking the time to email...
knowing you are not alone
makes things seem much more bearable.

my truths today::

i can't wait for january...to set the photography business
aside for a few months and catch my breath, to have some
time to just sit and focus on restocking myself with ideas and
inspiration...to read and write and draw and just surf the net...

and really...i think that's it.
i gave away so much of myself in the last post...
and really, this one kernel of truth
about my longing for january
feels much bigger
than it looks
in print.

it feels tangible...like i want to keep it in my pocket
and take out the idea of january
whenever i feel stressed and deadlined and
so. far. behind.

maybe i will...
maybe i will put it in my pocket.