2012....it's hard to know what to say about you...

i love january.

i love shiny happy pretty new years resolutions
written on a fresh sheet of paper
snow white
crisply numbered...
regimented...
orderly...
possible.

but i think i need to
finish
2012 before i can
truly
move on to 2013.

2012 was a bit of a crazy year...
with lots of change...
change i did not see coming...some of it good,
some of it...scary as hell.

two years ago
i started a list of
"things to be proud of me for"
and i think this year sums it up for me
in a nutshell...
an up and down happy and sad scary and exciting nutshell of a list.

  • Was offered a new position within the same organization but so much closer to home...and i LOVE, love, LOVE it.
  • a second art/photography show where i felt a little more prepared and put myself out on a limb just a tiny little bit more...baby steps
  • the Guardian article {a local newspaper}after my last art/photography show
  • drove over the Confederation Bridge (with S in the car) and drove in another province without crying {except coming very close at one intersection}
  • did a bridge at yoga...{the instructor even called out to me and said it was a beautiful bridge} :)
  • no cavities and did not cry during the dreaded horrible scraping of the tartar
  • i survived shingles.  avoid this if you can.
  • that i kept it together the night of S's accident...the night i found him in a field...broken and hurt and alone.
  • i drove to halifax and back...all by myself...i did things like elevators and parking garages and toll booths and slept in a chair beside his bed and asked the questions and made the demands when the pain seemed to be too much.
  • that i was able to put hobbes down...even though it was by far one of the hardest decisions i've ever, ever had to make.  it still breaks my heart in ways i cannot explain...i was never a dog person, never a pet person...i complained about dog hair.  i complained about barking.  i complained.  i complained.  i complained.  but i still have this empty gaping hole in my heart that aches every time i thing about him....and it happens far more often then i ever dreamt it would.  we had him for 13 years.  17 took this photo of him... 


  •  that i held it together when my camera broke in the middle of a wedding i was shooting and i had no back up camera on the same weekend that i had put hobbes down.
  • that i stood up to someone that i felt was being mean...{this is big for me...i am the quiet, non-confrontationalist}
  • i went up in a bucket truck!!!
  • i did 3.7 km in a relay marathon! {painfully and slowly and with much cursing and complaining but i did it.}
  • coordinated two meetings that had totally stressed me out
  • joined a writing group.  and shared out loud. 
  • read 23 books! {8 more than last year!} 
and that was my 2012-the-condensed-version...now to plan for 2013...
happy new year!!

MeRrY ChRiStMAs!!!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” 

 Merry Christmas

stream of conciousness

i attended the first of hopefully many sessions with a new writing group
and
i
was
so
excited....
even though i had a pounding headache
and
a 45 minute drive both ways

it was still amazing.

you know that feeling when you feel "got" by other people.

i had that feeling.

one of the exercises was stream of consciousness using a single word
given to you by the person on your right...
with a one minute time limit.

mine was steady.

"Do you want to go steady?" she said.
I turned towards her with surprise on my face.
"Steady?" I said.  "Steady as in date exclusively,
as in you will be my one and only,
my shot in the dark, my penguin?  Steady?
Do penguins go steady do you think?  I wish
I knew more about the mating habits of penguins..."
I looked at her.
She looked away.
"Never mind", she said.

synopsis

WATCHING:  Vampire Diaries...well...listening to it while editing wedding photos

READING:  Game of Thrones...book 3...Storm of Swords...sooooooo good.
                    i have seriously had my jaw drop while reading it in the lunchroom.

EATING:   skittles in the red bag only.  diet coke in a can.  chicken stew.  shepherd's pie.

LISTENING:  nothing.  i need some recommendations.

DAYDREAMING:  about getting organized.  finding time for me again.

COVETING:  coffee tables, gray sweaters, a new house