little bits of saturday sweetness and strains of melancholy

today i slept in...
late.

really late.

and i can't seem to shake this melancholy feeling
of just letting the day
pass me by
while listening to
this {i will never tire of damian rice)
and
eating cold cereal

{remembering mismatched dreams of fighting and fears
and unexpected flashes of tenderness...}

i have to go to yoga in an hour
and out to supper in two hours

i just can't seem to get myself going.

instead i get lost in videos like this
soulpancake ball pit on the street
and wonder what my answers would be,
if i had the courage to get in the pit in the first place.

and absorbed in freckles

and wishing i had time to go find the canada geese

i'm a little lost today.
quiet and quiet...inside and out.





monday musings

an blurb from morning pages: 

The girl with the butterfly brown eyes stood with her back against the wall.
Silent and still, only her eyelashes fluttered as she looked down at her bare feet. 
Pudgy toes and a fallen instep.  White baby doll dress with frills and lace, bare legs,
black hair, biting her bottom lip.

I remember her then.  So different from the woman I know now.
Though she still want me to call her girl. 
She still bites her bottom lip.

If I could turn back time...I thought....would I? 

Would I go back there? Would she?  Who would ever know.
It can't be done anymore than the damage can be undone.  I shook my head and let it go.
Move on, I told myself, move on, people...nothing more to see here.
Just some broken glass and shards of heart and maybe an owed apology or two.

saturday night & my eyes are sleepy

there were so many things i was going to do this weekend.

and somehow,
i feel like the day has passed without anything
getting done.

i started out on the computer
thinking that wordpress might be the way to go
for my photography blog
and spent way too much time
trying to incorporate it onto the website
finally figuring it out! :)
and then realizing
it
doesn't
even
really make a difference.

you just link to it anyway.
which i had already done with my blogger version
so
that was kind of a waste of time.

and then
realized that blog templates and logos and all that are
way
more
expensive
than i thought.

and then
(because i was starting to get frustrated)
(which makes me start to get antsy and
messes with my ability to sit still)
i got in the car
and drove outside of town with the camera
and
that was
good.

that was just what i needed.

driving clears my head.
it allows me to think.
it slows me down and clarifies the big picture for me.

i came home to juicy hamburgers all ready to be eaten
while listening to 13 chatter happily...
and now...
i'm ready for bed.


sunday is another day.

musing on monday


morning pages:  a blurb from january 2013

morning pages at 8 pm on a saturday night
when i feel like i should be having a shower
or lighting a candle or meditating
or folding clothes
and my sweater is too big
and my slippers are too hot and did i just hear the disc that i am burning
pop out and oh...
i'm thirsty, maybe i should have made tea
maybe i could still make tea.
and have a shower
and fold those clothes.
why is it so hard for me to sit at this desk?  why can't i focus?
all day i am racing around to get the house clean
so that i can have this time to myself
and then
i don't know what to do
with myself.
i don't know where to start.
start with just starting.
start with just starting.