seems to start with the same sentiment.
but wow.
but wow.
so i'm going to give it a shot...
{and already, i'm 4 days behind}
{and already, i'm 4 days behind}
snippets of happiness::the sunday version
on friday
and finding it hard to pull myself together on Saturday
even knowing i had a wedding
to pull off
ahead of me,
eventually...i felt myself coming around.
the wedding went fantastic.
the lighting was amazing.
the couple was drop dead gorgeous.
the venue was great...and the beach spot
for the photos...unreal.
water hitting the rocks
a view of the dunes...
so happy with how that went.
but still things have gone ok...
a family photo session in the park
followed by actually using some of the
old furniture i bought earlier this summer
in our over-grown backyard.
walking the dog...
can of cold diet coke and nacho crunch its...
a little editing....
spaghetti supper at my mom's...
some giggling...
a forgotten favorite song on the drive home.
now wrapped up in a blanket for a little late night editing before bed
and i'm feeling better about my place in the world.
:)
blindsided
the longest
i have ever
been away
from here.
and i feel it.
i am wound too tight
i am swimming in my stress levels
and breathing in my
own battered self confidence.
today started with kind of a rotten morning
with the realization that my
self confidence is very, very easily shaken
and makes me wonder
why that is
and is it only in my abilities with the camera
that i feel that way
or is it hiding in other aspects of my life...
today's did revolve around the camera
but opened other questions for me...
part of me wants to stop doing weddings,
stop doing family photos,
stop doing any photos for money
and
just
go
back
to doing
it
for me
again.
back to when it was fun.
it used to be how i relaxed.
somewhere along the way,
that changed.
i need to really think about this...
what i do know is that today,
when i thought i was going to throw in the towel
and not take on any more weddings
besides what I am already committed to---
i felt a huge sigh of releif
and the weight of the world lifting off me.
time could be mine again.
photography could be fun again.
that warrants some serious consideration.
There are days like today....
When I feel like my pants
are a little too tight
and that is depressing
until I realize
they are about 3 sizes smaller
than what I have been wearing....
When you realize the afternoon
is not going to unfold
the way you wanted it to
because you have agreed to meet a client
after work
but the meeting
is going to be at your favorite coffee shop
so its all ok.
You still sit by yourself
at lunch
but today
you realize
you like it that way....
things that i learned in june...
- expensive (and i use the term expensive lightly here because i am cheap, therefore, my expensive could be another person's cheap...but still) expensive underwear...totally worth the splurge.
- tomato plants on the deck make me enormously happy
- that some days your body just says "that's enough" and shuts down for the day (or two) with a very cranky headache
- that i absolutely love berries in a salad
- that it is good to say yes (yes to driving an hour away to see the skydiggers play even though you are shooting a wedding the next day...yes, yes, yes!)
- that i couldn't be normal in a photo no matter how hard i try...and maybe that is it...i try too hard. evidenced in the skydigger photos above in which i am both very perplexed and then very freaked out. but that's ok. see next point.
- that you should never assume what people think of you...and when you do find out what someone thinks of you...try not to take it the wrong way....take it in the way that you know that it was meant...that you are quirky. and that's ok. because...really...you probably are quirky. Which is not the worst thing you can be
- i don't have any more points but i can't figure out how to erase this last bullet.
now.
go here
and play along...
even if it is now the middle of july...
:)
and that every post i write