tuesday truths...

i would like to say that i have not been here
very much lately
because i won the lottery
and have been
busy buying myself a gravel pit
and a candy store all of my own...

but the truth is
the stupid flu found me last tuesday
and is just barely letting me
out of it's feverish hacking grasp now...

a couple of realizations while sick:

• being sick as an adult sucks.  nothing stops...the clock keeps ticking, the to do list keeps growing
• popsicles are still awesome
• listening to an audio book is a great way to distract yourself from a pounding headache...especially when that audio book is the graveyard book by neil gaiman...read by neil gaiman!  now...i should explain here that i didn't actually have the audio book and so was listening to it on youtube and, because i was drifting in and out of sleep and slightly feverish, i didn't realize until HOURS into it, that the sequence of youtube videos was not in the correct order...and yet, i was still totally enthralled in the book!  :)  i am totally putting this (and every other book by neil gaiman on my list of things to read).
• i think i must seriously be a 9 year old when sick...i had thought the graveyard book was the one thing that i listened to that wasn't for kids...but i just realized as i searched for the link, that it IS a kid's book.  i also listened to "how to train your dragon"...watched the first season of the muppets...watched kung fu panda (jack black never disappoints) and minions and the flintstones...
• and, as sucky it was that S. caught my flu a couple of days later, i can say for sure that if i had to be sick with anybody...i'm glad that it's with him.  :)

but the real truth is
catching the flu sucks
but it definitely makes you realize
how easy it is to take
life, and your health,
for granted...
it's always good to have a little reminder.
{but next time, flu, maybe just remind me for
a day or 3....i don't really need a 7 day lesson...}

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not really related...but really...how cute is she?  <3

tuesday truths {nablopomo day 17}

1.  i jumped out of my car, left the door wide open and the car running as i ran down to the water to snap this photo of the tail end of a hot pink sunset.

2.  last night was "disc burning night", today was "disc delivery day"...and i have to tell you that meeting with one of my couples from this summer made my day...they are sooooo incredibly sweet...and funny....and did i say sweet?!  I couldn't have picked a better wedding to have gotten lost AND have fallen flat on my back for no apparent reason at.  They are seriously super fantastic and it's couples like that, that make me love doing weddings.  <3AND they gave ME a thank you card...with the cutest, lemon-scented cat car air fresheners...heeheehee...(which fits well since when we did their engagement pictures, we went to the their house so we could include the cat...when we did the wedding photos, we stopped by the house...so we could include the cat...my kinda people).

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AND it's lemon scented :)  my favorite!

3.  can i just say how much i am loving editing my brother's wedding photos...i go in a specific order and it makes me so happy when his pop back into the queue.  I love all my weddings but this one holds a little special corner of my heart obviously.  Today we got to the kiss....<3

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cause THIS is how we do when you are from muddycrick :)

tuesday truths...with bullets...

• i am serious.  i need to lose weight. 
  i am not kidding.  this is getting ridiculous. 
  and is making me mad.  and sad. 
  i hate feeling like this about myself. 
  i hate how my clothes fit (read:  don't fit). 
  i hate my lack of energy, my faltering self esteem,
  my staggering lack of commitment. 
  i am not sure what happened. 
  i think it was a combination of the winter-that-never-ended...
  and stress.
  but i am feeling ready to start again...to commit...
  now...
  if i could only find my stupid fitbit.
• i love raspberries
• i love that every time S goes to pick up 19 after work...15 goes along...
  to hide in the back of the car and try to scare her.
• bob's burgers is kind of genius.  there.  i said it.
• i realized tonight that i own no socks. 
  or at least...nothing that matches.
• when i need a moment, i drive to the windmills.
  weirdly, they relax me.
  the slow, constant spinning...

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tuesday truth

the truth is...

over here, it's not always sunshine and lollipops
and painting rocks to look like toadstools...
i know that's the picture i want to paint,
that it's always pug hugs and belly laughs in the big orange house...

and most of the time it is...
:)

but sometimes, it's not.

sometimes it's stress and deadlines and worry
about the things that are out of your control...

sometimes it's the spinning plates that normally make you
intensely happy
but that also have the capacity to shatter you
when they start to fall...

sometimes it's the realization that only disney mice are cute...
that one little bastard that keeps getting away?
you hate that creepy crawly little jerk with a passion
you didn't know you had....

sometimes it's the frustration of waiting for something
that you think is going to be the fix to all of your problems
only to find out that it is not going to happen as soon as you thought
and now is the time to dig out that back up plan
that you wrote on a napkin in secret code
and hope you remember how to decipher it....

but at the same time...

it is also remembering that these are only blips...
money comes...money goes...
blip.

no, the lilac tree didn't flower but there's a new bleeding heart
you weren't expecting and hostas that a sweet friend
gifted you with...

it's focusing on just doing what you can do...
breathing deep and letting go...
finding something to laugh hard at every day
(even if it is that the damned kamikaze mouse fell
on your daughter while she was sitting on stairs....)
it's being kinder to everyone around you
because it rings true to you to remember that
everyone has their own story going on behind the scenes
and it doesn't cost
anything
to be kind.

it's knowing that you have been here before,
chances are, you will be here again...
and remembering the little piece of truth your mom always told you
"things are always better in the morning".

“You’ll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut. ”

— ― Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

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bullets of tuesdays truths...

• i want to build a fairy garden...i desperately want a doll house...and a blythe doll...and a coloring book...{am i reverting in age?  is this my mid-life crisis}
  oh...who am i kidding...i have always wanted these things.
• today i am crampy, cranky and somewhat overwhelmed...not a pretty picture, is it?
• i think i have seen the bulk of judge judy's.  i am only getting re-runs now.  sad.
• but i would like to watch all of Modern Family and The Middle now from start to finish.
• i need a new book to read...any suggestions?

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• i have to stop eating cinnamon rolls.
• i tried Pepsi Next today.  I didn't love it.  I didn't hate it.
• my boy had to go to court today as a witness in a drunk driving case...
  i was proud of him,
  like mama-bear-fiercely-proud of him.
  
  If you know me at all, you will know that drunk driving
  hurts my heart a little (actually, a hell of a lot) even after all these years.
  and as my boy sat there being questioned,
  i was on the edge of my seat with concern, with pride, with surprise
  that this boy, this young man, is mine...came from me & his dad...
  where has the time gone?
  
  and at the same time, a little piece of my heart was
  playing an old movie in bits and broken pieces...
  a reel of tape of another boy on that same stand
  and how i sat on the edge of my seat then in
  frustration and grief and disbelief that this had happened to us,
  that a walk down the road had ended up in this...
  empty gaping loss and seething furious anger and
  the paralyzing knowledge that there was nothing you could do
  to change it, to make it better for him, to bring them back,
  the bitter realization that you can't change time
  no matter how desperately hard you try.
  
  this was totally not what i came here to say,
  but sometimes, tuesday truth does that to me.