big heavy hope...{nablopomo day 17}


sidenote...this is the photo i am entering
in greeblemonkey's too-cool photo contest...
wish me luck...and go check it out!!
and what is written below
is unrelated to the contest
regardless how badly i want to win...

there is something out there
that i want
that i want so bad
i can almost taste it

and it tastes like
stability
and reassurance...

i can touch it,
i just can't get a firm grip
on it...
it is slippery and so
close to sliding away from me
if i could just get a chance...
if i could just get it a little more
firmly
in my grasp...

there is something out there
that i am hoping for
that i am wanting
and needing and coveting...
and right now
hope feels heavy
as i wait
with all the remaining factors
out of my control...

i hate waiting.

half way points {nablopomo day 16}


halfway there for month of november
and a post-a-day...

it's drizzling today
and we have spent the day inside
nine is home and tired from his camp-out
13 is home and showered and
cleaning her room
in anticipation of a new week...
S. is napping on the couch
and i am taking a mini blog break
from putting together new bookshelves
and rearranging the living room
{and sneaking in a few
christmas related decorations
here and there}

it is a quiet sunday
and tonight we will sit
together
and watch this
with our feet on the coffee table
and our bodies all entwined
and mashed together
in comfortable family time.

happy sunday...

post-it-ology 101 {session 2}{nablopomo day 15}

my nine went camping this weekend...
with cubs...
in cabins...
a 45 minute drive away...
for two nights...

i cried last night
not because i was worried about him
{well...a little}
but because,
i can't help feeling like a chapter in my life
is closing,
is ending,
is changing,
and i can't do anything to stop it
{not that i want to stop it}
but i just keep getting these little glimpses
of my little boy who is now a
big boy...

walking to school on his own,
giving me a quick kiss on the cheek,
mp3 player on,
and out the door.

and i stand proud and brokenhearted
in the kitchen...
wondering where the time went.

dropping him off at camp...
can't leave right away,
not because he needs me
but because i need to make sure
that everything is ok...
is going to be ok...

this is hard,
this letting go.

especially of the one that held on so tight.

13 was always pretty independent
and knew her own mind...it was set...
but 9...9 wanted cuddles no matter who was around,
he wanted reassurance, he looked for me
at the door the first day of school,
he made me stay at birthday parties with him...

and now...now i can go...
but it's hard to go.

it's hard to let go.