hindsight is 20/20


the public health nurse called me on wednesday
to tell me that they did a routine vision test
in the grade one class that my 6 year old son is in
and they had some concern with his left eye.

i took him to an eye doctor on friday morning
half expecting them to say slightly nearsighted
or slightly farsighted
or needing glasses
but as the testing progressed i found myself sitting
with fingers crossed tightly that that would be all
they found...

as it turns out, six has very poor,
(read: next to none)
vision in his left eye...
it is a lazy eye
even though it looks perfectly healthy from the outside
there may be nothing
that can be done because
we should have had his eyes tested at 3 years of age

i sat in that office in shock.

i read parenting magazines
and parenting books
and parenting websites
on a daily basis...
i have a diploma in early childhood care and education,
i have many friends that have children...
i have never heard tell of having my children's vision
tested by age three
i was stunned.

so we have two referrals coming up
with specialists who will either patch
the good eye to make him use the bad
although the dr i saw on friday said his left
was so bad, that he may not be able to
function with the other eye patched...
or they may say
it is past the window of fixable opportunity
and we missed it...
and nothing can be done.

i am stunned.
really and truly stunned.
i know that there are worse things
we could have found out
and i am grateful that this is all that it was
but still
its hard to process...
especially the guilt part....
how could i have not seen?
should i have seen?
how could i have NOT seen???