where did i begin...inner excavation

where did i begin
     {you will ask me}
i began
     {i will tell you}
and still...i begin
     {backwards and forwards
          and all over again}

i begin with a spool of thread, old windows and faded coloring books,
     elmer's glue in pale sticky yellow with a scissor slit cut in the rubbery red top...
with big blue vans and fields of green against red earthy browns
     straight lines plowed hard in the dirt
          mud pies and dirty knees...
i begin with the scent of
     tiny wild strawberries crushed against
          my fingertips, stained red.....
and the expanse of summer, hazy shimmering blue and gold
      laying before me
with the sweet smell of clover in my hair
     and fireflies in my eyes....

i begin again, in starts and stops
     sudden wonder and paralyzing fear
one step forward
     a half shuffle back...

and sometimes
     i begin
          by just standing perfectly still
                and counting the infinite stars
                       in a world beyond me.

a prompt from the inner excavation book i have been doing....along with this read-along....i am so painfully behind...but it's ok...