my brain doesn’t
quite know
what it wants
to do…
i mean, let’s be honest,
it never really does.
it’s always been
a bit of a fickle pickle
of a brain
bouncing about
like a frenzied rubber ball
going this way and that…

but lately…

it’s bouncing between
really really up and
let’s buy groceries
cause we are gonna cook things
and let’s refinish furniture
and go places
and start jogging
and maybe write a book
while also repainting the
living room…

and really really down
where i can’t get out of my own way…
tonight i had to put an oil treatment
in my hair
just to ensure that i didn’t go to bed
at 6:30…cause
that’s what i really wanted to do.

and at the same time,
i feel like summer is rushing by
in a flash of rain clouds
and scattered thundershowers
and i haven’t camped yet,
i haven’t gone away,
i haven’t had a bonfire or gone to the drive in
and i feel panicky
and then that makes me tired
so i go to bed
at 6:30.

this will pass.
i think.
i hope.
i just need some deep breaths
and sunshine
and maybe a doughnut.

or a nap.