where i have been hanging out on a poetry thursday..

i have changed my workspace around some.
i painted a bulletin board.
i painted a chair.

i am really happy now when i am working there.
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this is something i wrote a long time ago
while still feeling some residual echoes of
what it was like to live with someone who
acted like they hated you
but whispered
that they loved you.

alcohol numbs the
noise raging in my brain
allows me to focus
on the subject in question
rather than the terrain.
you broke my heart-
you can't break me.
i am a monster of your creation but
you will never contain me
(nor will you hope to)
honest in your fear of my liberty
(truth belittles your insincere show of honesty)
yet i lack the conviction to ignore your hostility
seeing what your underlying
boiling-point
anger
has done to me.

so tragic in my honesty,
i lack simplicity.

for more poetry thursday, go here.

heh...wouldn't it be funny if...

yeah.
so.

wouldn't it be funny if someone
had a spring-like resurgence of, um, interest
in their signifigant other
and to celebrate that
this person decided to buy some
new..um...underthings...to go
along with the resurgence...

(in her defence, she really needed
some anyway!)

and suppose this person found the
perfect thing...very little girl like
innocent and sweet and yet
very flimsy and not something you
would take with you if you had to
go and stay overnight at the hospital...

and suppose said unmentionables
were the cutest pale purple and light lime-green
and on sale for 2 for 20.00
(actually...they were ten dollars each but
this person likes the sound of 2 for 20 better...)
so this girl that i am telling you about
decided to buy both the purple and the green.

and oh yeah...
they even came on these cutesy little hangers,
covered in the same fabric and little bows and whatnot.

and wouldn't it be funny if when that girl
(who was kind of shy and modest and quiet...and modest)
was taking said flimsy yet innocent unmentionables
up to the cash and the only cash open
has a (what seems like) 15 year old boy working the register.

and suppose said 15 year old boy with acne did not notice
that the girl had the unmentionables all balled up
with only the price tags sticking out so he could scan them
FOR A REASON
and instead he starts fumbling around trying to take them
off the hanger (THATCOMESWITHTHEM) while
six people are in line behind her watching her
blush and mutter "the hangers come..leave them on the hangers"
as he croaks in his puberty cracked voice, holding up the
flimsy scrap of thong-like-once-innocent-looking-but-
now-just-screaming-pervert "oh...the hangers
come with this???"

ack.
wouldn't that be funny if that happened to someone...
heh.

tired tuesday.

i am typing
but i feel at though i should be napping.

this morning was particularly stressful
and tiring and emotionally exhausting.

it is hard when you beleive in what you are doing
and you know that in order to have the big picture
that you want
you need to do some things right now
that seem mean and cold and not necessary.

but they are necessary...
in the long run...
in the scope of the big picture.

and it is harder still
to watch someone that you have come to care about,
even though you have been cautioned
to "keep a professional distance and a work
relationship",
cry out of sadness, frustration and discomfort...

so
all in all
the morning kind of sucked
even though it felt as though
there was a breakthrough in the end.

and now i am tired.

4 am grateful friday/saturday....

it is four o'clock in the morning.
i am now writing my grateful friday...
bear with me
as i may not make
a lot of sense.

-the safe arrival of my newest nephew, logan!
-snapping random pictures while driving and the surprise
of them when we get home...this one i particularly like
because it looks so gritty and blue.
-so far three successful interesting days of IBI therapy training
under my belt...and so far it is making sense to me.
-nana's house where the kids have gone to visit for the weekend
-having my husband all to myself for the weekend
-this cool new step for poetry thursday
-knowing that sofia and her family finally received their mini-swap package
from us...hurray! i hope they liked it :)
-other people's grateful fridays...
-inspiration that makes me so excited!
-the fact that i have been blogging for over a year
and i just figured out what permalink means...ba-hahahahahahah

5:18 am.
the sky is dusky and light.
the house is silent.
no cars on my street.
my bed is calling.

edited to say...check out my sunday scribblings...
if you wanna...you don't halfta...i'm not gonna be hurt...
well, not that hurt...heh heh heh...is this getting old yet?

melancholy and cloudy poetry thursday...

Dark Girl

Easy on your drums
Easy wind and rain
and softer on your horns
She will not dance again

Come easy little leaves
without a ghost of sound
from the china trees
to the fallow ground

Easy easy drums
and sweet leaves overhead
easy wind and rain
your dancing girl is dead.

arna bontemps

this poem was written in my journal
from about ten years ago...
i apologize if it is not copied in it's exactness
but i could not find a copy of it on the internet
to make certain that i had copied it correctly back then.

at that time
i was very drawn in
by poetry that spoke of females
and their lives or characteristics or personalities...
poetry that tried to capture some essence of the person...

and i had lost my best friend
in an accident
so that ultimately caused this poem to speak
to me moreso than it may have otherwise.

i beleive our experiences
color the lens through which
we regard all else...