bo-nus!

this weekend has kind of sucked
and ruled
with each taking its turn...
i woke up with a headache,
it went away in time to go see the airshow
which i LOVE
because i love anything loud...
then the headache came back...
i got the happy hooker crochet book
and a subscription to martha stewart living
as belated birthday gifts
and then
my headache came back...
and lasted all sunday night and all monday...
straight through two painful hours
of playgroup...
ouch.

but now it is gone
and i feel like a bundle of energy...
which is good
because i have alot of work to catch up on
:)

i wanted to share some photos
of some surprise mail i received
last week from marianne at applehead!




as usual,
my pictures do NOT do the package justice!
there was a cool little zippy felt bag with birds,
and an apple to stick pins in,
some jelly beans,
cool pencils, the best smelling little candle set,
and an awesome pet rock sent by rose!
and a little moleskine pad with an apple on the front...
so much sweetness
and all wrapped up
:)
thanks marianne!!!!!!!

poetry thursday...late again.

to speak through another's voice,
see through their eyes,
empathize,
visualize,
what can i see
when you prompt me...
i chose my grandmother
who stubbornly set herself down
in my head yesterday and said
"this one is mine.
write it about me."

she had had alzheimers.


bright orange curls
and quick blue eyes
that's what i expect
to see.

but when they set
the mirror down-
the reflection
cannot possibly be...

who is that woman?

she is not me.

she is old.
and lost.
and broken alone-
weary and sad,
the world no longer
known
to her
with memories
beginning to
lie.

she is not me.

where am i?

goldfish...glub...glub...glub.

my daughter received an mp3 player
for her birthday...
i made her this little
mp3 goldfish-y type holder
to carry it in her backpack in...
:)

thanks to everyone who wished me
a happy birthday...
it was very sweet.
part of the birthday spoils included
this book

which i have been coveting
for a long long time now...
there are some great step by steps
and some oh-so-pretty patterns...
i can't wait to dive in!

i also joined a Knit-a-long!
my first one!
heehee.
it is a dishcloth one,
and starts on september 15...
i'm chomping at the bit
to get started
(heh. guess what everyone is getting
for christmas this year?)
heehee

36 (things about me) today!

(i'm the one in the yellow.)

1. my grade one teacher wrote that
i may need psychological help in my
grade one report card.
2. my mom ignored her suggestion.
3. when i started university and handed
in a journal i was supposed to write, my
professor kindly suggested i look into
professional help.
4. i ignored her.
5. i was very anxious as a child.
6. and shy.
7. and cried alot
8. like, much more than the average child.
9. i'm not like that anymore though :).
10. i miss my brother.
11. he's in calgary.
12. far away from where i am.
13. i love to read
14. i love the color purple
15. i love the smell of gas
16. and permanent markers
17. and exhaust fumes
18. i once rode an elephant through mcdonald's drivethrough
19. i ordered a milkshake
20. i love greys anatomy
21. and toasted tomato sandwiches
22. i have a tattoo of the grinch on my ankle
23. i got it for my 21st birthday
24. i was drunk when i got it
25. they played rebel yell by billy idol while
i got the tattoo
26. i love sesame street
27. and the muppets
28. and fosters home for imaginary friends
29. and o'grady
30. i was the manager of a record store
31. and a book store
32. and a tacky t-shirt/tacky jewellry store
33. and a "hostess manager" at mcdonalds
34. and assistant manager/photographer at a photo studio
35. now i am an IBI tutor
36. i always add a year onto my age...this is my real age
but starting tomorrow, i will say that i am 37, should
anyone ask.

pay no attention.

tonight
i feel
sad
and quiet.

alone
and
unheard.

i don't even know
why
except
that maybe
i am not listening
to myself.

impending birthday
looming.

wondering
what have i done?
what will i do?
who have i become?
where do i go
from here,
where is
here?

i ponder
and pause
and wonder...
quiet questions
pulsing
in my head.

pay no attention,
i'm sure it will pass...
a moment,
a thing,
a phase--a cycle.

i'll wait it out
with words.