mondays rule.

i like mondays.
i really do.

i like the structure
and routine...
knowing what follows what,
down to precise minutes...

on mondays,
i feel a sense of purpose.
i am armed with a to do list
and sharpened pencil...
i have goals, aims and ambitions...
i accomplish things,
i cross things off my list.

i feel good on mondays.
(because i am a certified freak).
but
still...
i like mondays.

posting off the top of my head.


sometimes i feel that i don't
connect
enough...
that i don't let enough of my
true
self come through,
even to the people that mean the most
to me.

my husband really and truly knows me,
he hears all my rants and raves,
my ideas and plans,
my weirdness and my intricacies...

but others.
not so much.

i don't really open myself in that way,
i don't really let myself
be me
in the truest fullest funnest form of me
that i can be...

instead i offer a muted,
more responsible,
level headed,
even keel me.

a me that doesn't write poems in her head
constantly...that doesn't visualize words
as people say them...
a me that wants to be a medical secretary
instead of the me that wants to write children's
books and own a gravel pit and be in the dead
center of a mosh pit...

why do i do that.

when did i start doing that.

and how do i start
becoming
the me
that lives inside my head?

i woke up today not feeling "well"
dizzy and nauseaus and have spent
the day in a silent house watching
the trees sway in the sun outside my window
and trying to regulate my breathing to match
their swaying...
i have had much time to think.

and now i am rambling.

there are just so many things that i want.
i want to write.
and take art classes.
and have meaningful conversations with people.
and be known for something.
and let go a little bit.

i want to find my niche.

i want to
release
my
me.

grateful weekend...

i haven't done a grateful friday
in a long time...
so here is a weekend grateful update...

realizing that YouTube
has a ton of vintage sesame street clips
that kept me glued to my
computer for a good 5 hours last night,
remembering...
(i would have linked them, but heh, didn't
know how)

we finished and installed the
budget friendly "tile" to our kitchen
and i love how it turned out.

the colder days are starting to set in
and i feel myself wanting to hunker down,
wanting to get out fleecy blankets
and wear socks again...find my sweaters
and mmmmmm....make hot chocolate.
after eight flavored hot chocolate...
mmmmm.

grey's anatomy...i love, i love, i love!
the soundtrack of grey's anatomy...i love, i love, i love!

all of my favorite bloggers are obviously feeling
the onset of fall too...
everyone is posting more...

the sweet comments left about my
scribbles and scrabbles...
i can't tell you how much that means...

and now i have to go
cause
i forgot to put socks on
and
its
that time of year.

:)