stupid five alive.

dear five alive people.

i don't like juice.
any juice.
it makes my throat feel sticky.

but i am sick.
i have the flu.
chills, cough, sore throat,
and so on...
so
i made myself drink 3 juice boxes
of five alive.

imagine my surprise at finding
out that although the juice is
called five alive CITRUS
and boasts NO ARTIFICIAL COLORS OR FLAVORS
have been added
and claims to be a REAL FRUIT BEVERAGE
there is zero percent vitamin c.
zero.
nada.
zilch.

why am i drinking it?

and why was i buying it for my kids?

stupid five alive.
stupid sore throat
which also now feels sticky, too.

ugh.

poetry thursday...lines that inspire.

this was a poem that has
stayed with me
for a long time
in the back of my mind
quietly.


Beneath my hands
your small breasts
are the upturned bellies
of breathing fallen sparrows.

Wherever you move
I hear the sounds of closing wings
of falling wings.

I am speechless
because you have fallen beside me
because your eyelashes
are the spines of tiny fragile animals.

I dread the time
when your mouth
begins to call me hunter.

When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want to summon
the eyes and hidden mouths
of stone and light and water
to testify against you.

I want them
to surrender before you
the trembling rhyme of your face
from their deep caskets.

When you call me close
to tell me
your body is not beautiful
I want my body and my hands
to be pools
for your looking and laughing.

-- Leonard Cohen

and in a vague way
it wound its way into this
not-really-a-poem-but-a-moment-
caught-in-time...

(please excuse the length...)

fresh out of hot steamy bath of bubbles
jet streams of water aimed at my skin
window open to let cool fresh air
and the scent of rain in.

seeing myself through your eyes
as i stand in front of the mirror
red glow of candlelight shining on still wet skin
cheeks flushed
lilacs reflecting from behind

i try to imagine what you would see

in this light, in this mood, in this moment
i don't center on stretch marks
i don't notice wrinkles in my face
my roots aren't showing in this forgiving light
and instead of a belly
all i see is smooth
and tight

i think of swallows
and upturned breasts
i think of your body against mine
the ease in which it rests

nothing else matters
things come and go
change
and stay
the same
ups and downs, highs and lows...
with you, i always remain.

too much candy=bad, bad dreams.

(picture taken by seven)
trick or treating is the only part
of halloween that i like....
i hate the hassles of having to
have costumes at the beginning of october
because the kids end up having to
get dressed up at least once a week
for some thing or another
and invariably, by the time we
get to the actual day of halloween
the costumes are missing peices
and we are scrambling to
put something together.

but the actual trick or treating,
that part i like,
especially on a night like last night...
the weather was gorgeously mild.

the funny thing was having to
explain at each house that
i was not a trick or treater,
i was the mom,
who was carrying the pillowcase
because it was too heavy
for the son who was exhausted
and just a little whiney...
one woman went so far as to do
a double take
and say "but...you're so young"
well...ok...if 36 is that young to
have a seven year old, heehee.

my husband got a great kick out of it,
especially when seven would call out
to him "another person thought mom
was a kid, dad!"

but about the bad dreams.
leaving my son at my old high school
by accident...trying to find him on
the highway...seeing a lion in a costume...
lion following me...walking into a strangers
house to get away from lion...older
couple having sex in living room...
man getting dressed, taking lion by
neck into basement and shooting him.

no more chocolate covered peanuts for me, please.

the poor tree

we had some strong wind last night
and woke up to this
in the neighbor's yard...


it makes me sad
that the tree came down...
it was one of the ones that was
right outside our living room window,
by the window where we eat...

after taking pictures of the tree,
i decided to give my poor neglected garden
some much needed attention
and prepare it for the winter
so i spent a couple of hours
ripping out all the plants from this summer
and then raking out the multitude of leaves
and turning the soil....
it was still windy
but mild enough to wear just a hoodie
and the smells of earth and wet leaves
mixed with the strong scent of burning
hickory on the wind...
it was a moment that allowed you to
"be present" with great ease...
to revel in that moment
of being alive.