making a decision...

it is no secret
that i adore
liz lamoreux
{with almost stalker-like proportions of adoration...but anyway.}
when looking for a word for 2013
she suggested the prompt of "2013 was the year I..."
which i did
and this is a bit of what i found::

~2013 was the year that i wrote.  it was the year that i published at least one thing.  it was the year that i committed to writing.  that i took it seriously.  that i admitted out loud that i am writer--regardless of proportion.  it was the year that i really tried.  it was the year that i stopped stalling.

~2013 was the year that i felt best about myself.  that i stopped hiding behind pajama pants and baggy shirts.  that i committed to eating better.  to using the gym membership and being ok with looking out of place and feeling uncomfortable in the gym.

~2013 was the i lived with intention regarding my family...that i listened and really heard...that i made time...that i remembered how quickly things can change.  it was the year i let go of preconceived expectations and just loved them for them...not the school's opinion, the public's opinion, other family members' opinions--just for who i know them to be.

~2013 was the year i pushed myself to be more social, the year i pushed myself out of my hermit hole.

~2013 was the year we addressed our money issues head on and stopped hiding our heads in the sand.

~2013 was the year we seriously considered what would be necessary to make our dream of living in the country come true.

~2013 was the year that i dressed like me again.

~2013 was the year that i did an art show at a new venue.

and in the end, it became apparent that brave would work for me...
which had been in the back of my mind but this list really helped confirm it for me.
it just feels right.








2012....it's hard to know what to say about you...

i love january.

i love shiny happy pretty new years resolutions
written on a fresh sheet of paper
snow white
crisply numbered...
regimented...
orderly...
possible.

but i think i need to
finish
2012 before i can
truly
move on to 2013.

2012 was a bit of a crazy year...
with lots of change...
change i did not see coming...some of it good,
some of it...scary as hell.

two years ago
i started a list of
"things to be proud of me for"
and i think this year sums it up for me
in a nutshell...
an up and down happy and sad scary and exciting nutshell of a list.

  • Was offered a new position within the same organization but so much closer to home...and i LOVE, love, LOVE it.
  • a second art/photography show where i felt a little more prepared and put myself out on a limb just a tiny little bit more...baby steps
  • the Guardian article {a local newspaper}after my last art/photography show
  • drove over the Confederation Bridge (with S in the car) and drove in another province without crying {except coming very close at one intersection}
  • did a bridge at yoga...{the instructor even called out to me and said it was a beautiful bridge} :)
  • no cavities and did not cry during the dreaded horrible scraping of the tartar
  • i survived shingles.  avoid this if you can.
  • that i kept it together the night of S's accident...the night i found him in a field...broken and hurt and alone.
  • i drove to halifax and back...all by myself...i did things like elevators and parking garages and toll booths and slept in a chair beside his bed and asked the questions and made the demands when the pain seemed to be too much.
  • that i was able to put hobbes down...even though it was by far one of the hardest decisions i've ever, ever had to make.  it still breaks my heart in ways i cannot explain...i was never a dog person, never a pet person...i complained about dog hair.  i complained about barking.  i complained.  i complained.  i complained.  but i still have this empty gaping hole in my heart that aches every time i thing about him....and it happens far more often then i ever dreamt it would.  we had him for 13 years.  17 took this photo of him... 


  •  that i held it together when my camera broke in the middle of a wedding i was shooting and i had no back up camera on the same weekend that i had put hobbes down.
  • that i stood up to someone that i felt was being mean...{this is big for me...i am the quiet, non-confrontationalist}
  • i went up in a bucket truck!!!
  • i did 3.7 km in a relay marathon! {painfully and slowly and with much cursing and complaining but i did it.}
  • coordinated two meetings that had totally stressed me out
  • joined a writing group.  and shared out loud. 
  • read 23 books! {8 more than last year!} 
and that was my 2012-the-condensed-version...now to plan for 2013...
happy new year!!

MeRrY ChRiStMAs!!!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” 

 Merry Christmas