#happy

the truth is
there will always be
dishes to be done
and bills to be paid...
to-do lists as long as your arm
and a clock ticking too fast to keep up with...

there will always be
mean people in the world...no matter how old you get,
how nice you try to be....
there will always be sadness, anger, illness...
sometimes feelings will get carried away and fly off all misdirected...
sometimes you will feel misunderstood...or teeny-tiny-small in
this big wide loud and chaotic world...

there will always be self doubt
and comparison...
uncertainty and anxiety
a mile high if you let it
sink it's teeth in...
worry and politics and fear and who's right...who's wrong
and what really matters
when you look at the big picture...
but most of the time
you want to stick your head in the sand
so you don't have to see...or think...or have an opinion....
about the big picture
because the big picture is
terrifying sometimes.

BUT the truth is
there will always be spring, too...
sunshine on your face
and the freedom that comes with
shedding winter layers...

there is music, there are books,
there are new clients to meet
and new friends to be made.
there are cuddles on the couch
while a movie plays in the background...
cartoons and fresh new coloring books
and the smell of crayons...
the sound of your girl singing upstairs,
the guitar strums as your husband
takes time to learn your favorites songs,
famous blue raincoat
and hums along to
robin hood and little john walking through the forest...
your tall gangly 16 year old
heading out to practice kick flips again...
there are kittens who have become cats
and a pug who thinks he is the baby of the family...

there's chicken fricot and
feeling better after a long flu,
best friends that know you better than anyone,
bullet journals and pretty post it notes,
plans for gardens and road trips
and coffee dates...fresh lemon pie
and buns from water street bakery...
there are the waffles from the farmer's market
with fresh berries and real whipped cream,
the smell of freshly washed sheets, or
the way your husband walked our
elderly neighbor up his lane
so sweetly you had to go in the house
so he didn't see you cry.

there is all of this
and so much more.
this is a choice.
this is the choice.
i just have to remember that the choice to be happy
is always there for me.
 

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tuesday truths...

i would like to say that i have not been here
very much lately
because i won the lottery
and have been
busy buying myself a gravel pit
and a candy store all of my own...

but the truth is
the stupid flu found me last tuesday
and is just barely letting me
out of it's feverish hacking grasp now...

a couple of realizations while sick:

• being sick as an adult sucks.  nothing stops...the clock keeps ticking, the to do list keeps growing
• popsicles are still awesome
• listening to an audio book is a great way to distract yourself from a pounding headache...especially when that audio book is the graveyard book by neil gaiman...read by neil gaiman!  now...i should explain here that i didn't actually have the audio book and so was listening to it on youtube and, because i was drifting in and out of sleep and slightly feverish, i didn't realize until HOURS into it, that the sequence of youtube videos was not in the correct order...and yet, i was still totally enthralled in the book!  :)  i am totally putting this (and every other book by neil gaiman on my list of things to read).
• i think i must seriously be a 9 year old when sick...i had thought the graveyard book was the one thing that i listened to that wasn't for kids...but i just realized as i searched for the link, that it IS a kid's book.  i also listened to "how to train your dragon"...watched the first season of the muppets...watched kung fu panda (jack black never disappoints) and minions and the flintstones...
• and, as sucky it was that S. caught my flu a couple of days later, i can say for sure that if i had to be sick with anybody...i'm glad that it's with him.  :)

but the real truth is
catching the flu sucks
but it definitely makes you realize
how easy it is to take
life, and your health,
for granted...
it's always good to have a little reminder.
{but next time, flu, maybe just remind me for
a day or 3....i don't really need a 7 day lesson...}

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not really related...but really...how cute is she?  <3

whatcha readin'? {2016::book4-goal12}

I had heard great things about this book
and, in all honesty, they were TRUE.
Such a good book,
I just could not put it down.
Fast paced and constantly spinning,
making you wonder
who...what...when...who! ....where...why...WHO! 

it grabbed my attention right from the start
and it did make me think of gone girl
and how quickly I had gotten sucked into that one.

it's a good read if you are looking for something
quick and easy...which i know i need every now and then.

and then, when i heard that emily blunt might
be playing in the movie...well....YAY!!! :) :) :)
 

Bullet-journal-obsession

second month of the bullet journal
and i still feel obsessed with it...
i work on it a little bit
every day...
it makes me happy to color in a square
or cross off a to-do...

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my march tracker (inspired by boho berry)...as you can see, i am not hitting them all right now but i think the play had a lot to do with that...crazy busy...(but really...not an excuse to not drink water, heh)....

when i am not actually
able to write/draw/doodle/scribble in it,
i am scouring pinterest for
ideas of icons i can draw,
for additional lists,
for hints and tricks and tips...

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or
i am drooling and ooooohing and ahhhhhing
over
someone else's bullet journal...

there must be a support group for people like me.
:)
 

lights... camera... island!!

it has been a while since i have
been able to get to this page...
not that i haven't thought about it.

but some time before christmas,
i took a deep breath and a chance
to try something i had never
ever
done before...
i auditioned for a play.

and i got a part.

the funny thing was i read for two parts...
one was a bit of a panicky/anxiety-ridden girl
and the other was a "girl from away"
who was calm, poised, confident
and...kind of self absorbed/stressed/a little snarky...

i immediately thought
i AM panicky/anxiety girl
and was surprised when they said...no...you are alice.
:)

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this is me...in the dressing room...crazy eyed with butterflies and feelings of what the hell have you gotten yourself into!

the play opened last night
with what felt like great success...
laughter in all the right places
and you could tell the audience was connecting the dots
of the story...it's a feeling i can't really
explain...but it was pretty damn exciting.

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but that's not to say that i wasn't stressed out
up until this point.
almost every thing about doing this
pushed me so far out of my comfort zone...
i am not good with change, especially fast change
and there is a lot of that...
I like things to be black and white...
to be sure of what I am supposed to do
and to KNOW what I am doing...
well, for a long time during this play
i had NO idea of what I was doing...
i didn't know the terminology, i stuttered my lines,
i thought "upstaging" myself meant that i was
overacting...not that i had come too far out on the stage, haha :)
I was reminded that I am very much an introvert
and that being around people, no matter how awesome they are,
for long periods of time
is exhausting and may make me extra-emotional.
I won't lie...
there were tears and cursing and
"why am i doing this?" and "i will NEVER do this again"
but
last night
when it all came together
and it was lights and mics,
laughter and murmurs from the audience,
pats on the back and whispered praise to each other
as we came off stage,
shared giggles over lines almost missed...
well....
it all became worth it.

you can check out more info about the play here...
there is still time for you to come and see it, if you like!

 

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