tuesday truth....

i feel like summer
is flying by
in the blink of an eye…
and it makes me panicky.
Scared that it will be gone
before I know it,
and painfully aware
that I cannot control it.

That’s my biggest fear, you know.
Things that are out of my control.
It’s why I always want to be the driver.
Why I am scared to fly.
Why I am hesitant to date.
I don’t like to be in situations
that feel out of my control
and I really, really don’t like
to be around people
who are out of control
and chaotic and loud…and unpredictable.

It’s why I like to be alone.
Alone is safe.
Even with a leaky roof,
home is predictable. It’s a cocoon
full of all the things
I love.

And my fear of loss of control
has gotten worse
since I had no control over
losing the people
I loved most.

I came here to write about fairies
and new markers and
to justify paying for this website
even though
i barely use it
but instead some truth leaked out
because, apparently, in that
i have no control.

Tomorrow I’ll show you my new markers.
🤭

tuesday truth

the truth is
elusive….
sneaky,
loitering around when
i am not ready to hear it…
hanging around the outside of my brain
crunching on chips and
drinking a dr pepper
and then when i think i am ready
to listen,
it wanders off pretending
it saw a kitten over there
or a 10.00 bill that just blew down the road
and let’s go look for it
and see if we can also find your sanity
while we are
at it.

and then i forget what i came here to write.

tuesday truths...

i haven’t done one of these
in a while.

i was going to come here
to say
i’m tired of winter,
of frozen pipes
and shoveling the driveway,
of layers of clothes
and how it doesn’t matter
how careful i am,
i always end up with
snow in my boots.

but the truth also is
that i am starting to see
the light at the end of the
snow filled tunnel…
the days are getting longer,
second by gradual second
and i am grateful
for every extra moment of light.

the sun sets tonight
on the blue-white snow,
my driveway is kind of shoveled,
my heat is on, the house is warm.
i have chicken fricot for supper
and gumdrops for dessert.
i think about how lucky i really am,
how quickly things can change
and suddenly i am grateful
for the shoveling and
for the snow in my boots.
i’m alive.
i’m healthy. i’m happy.
and i’m safe and loved.
that is enough.

(though….i’m still ready for spring….)

tuesday truths....thinking out loud...

you ever feel like
a struggle?

not like you wanna
get into a struggle
but
like you
yourself
are literally
a struggle
in human form…
in bare feet and a polka dot dress….

like you are
just a bundle of mixed messages
and live wires….
full of messy contradictions
and your
cables of communication
can suddenly fray and frizzle
and you are bouncing
back and forth between
shouting
leave me alone
and whispering
but
i don’t want to be
alone.

and then you drink some peppermint tea
in a snoopy mug
and feel the grass you should be cutting
under your bare feet
and the birds are singing
and the cat is purring and rubbing against your back
and the sun is starting to set
and you think meh….whatever…
everything is pretty a-ok….
and you go watch a cartoon before bed.

♥

and it's time for tuesday truth again...

Last week was a whirlwind of a week…
two different friends home from away
and lots of time spent
adventuring and exploring
and reminiscing and
laughing…
so much laughing.

There was ice cream (multiple times)
and fall drives,
horses, black bogs, and lighthouses…
cake for breakfast,
cedar’s eatery and
starlite diner…

There was even a little
mushroom-y village
that made us very happy to find…

And the weekend was topped off
with a visit to my parents for Thanksgiving
where almost everyone was able to make it
(missed Kiki & J)
and it was so great to see the kids
and reconnect in a big rowdy way…
I took zero pictures that day
because I just wanted to be
in the moment…♥

It was a fantastic week
but the truth is
I am not used to
being quite so social….
it takes more out of me
than I realized…
this week will be all
about rest and recovery
and maybe a stolen nap
or three…
♥♥♥

but I wouldn’t have
changed a thing about
last week….
I’d do it all over again if I could.