Happy Saturday morning.
It’s been a sweet, quiet start to the day
for me…
just the way I like it.
I feel like this post
is going to be all over the place
as my brain feels a little scattered today,
jumping from one thought
to another,
with very little cohesiveness holding it all together.
Bear with me.
I had my tarot cards read last week
(seriously, if you haven’t done this,
go see this girl…so worth it!)
and she hit on a few things that resonated with me…
she said that balance seemed to be showing up
as a predominant theme in my cards.
This is true.
And she brought up creativity, the desire to
do more in this area of my life, the struggle
to not only make the time for it
but to also
let myself go…
to take myself seriously, to really sink into something.
My nature seems to be to
skim of the surface of things
but when they start to really work,
abandon them and move on to something else.
Part of me would write it off to an attention issue…
a scattery brain, all over the map
but I also know that part of it is fear.
If I take it seriously, then failure is a possibility.
If I say I am just “playing” then I have no accountability….
no expectation…it also soothes the side of me
that struggles with “who do you think you are?
what makes you think you can do this?
You doodle. You play. Grow up. This is not for you.”
This has been a common strategy in
more than one area in my life.
And I know it. I accept it even.
Hell. I embrace it.
Anyway, this is all to say that between
the messages I heard in the tarot cards,
and the fact that I have gotten some of the bigger “grown up things”
sorted out paired with the happiness of the days
slowly getting longer,
all of this makes me feel
ready to dive back into
the creative side…however that decides to show up…
and to make time for it, find that balance,
give it space to be serious if it wants…
but still fun.
