so long 2025....

It’s been a while since I have
been here…
it’s not that I haven’t thought about it,
words whispering in my ear
when I am busy doing something else
but then when I think
I should sit down and write,
my brain goes blank
because nothing seems right….
in any or every way.

Loss is such a complicated mixed up place to be.
It is messy and uncharted…there is no map.
There is no key. No compass.
Because in it, you feel like you are flying blind,
every hairpin turn is unexpected,
some of the small hills end with a cliff…
the road signs are mixed up and meaningless.

So when it feels like you don’t know
which way you are going,
you are right.
You probably don’t know which way you are going.
Oh, and did I mention the fog?

I am hesitant on one hand
to say goodbye to 2025.
It is the last year I had my mom.
But also I hate 2025…
it is the year I lost my mom.

Goodbye 2025.
Some very good things happened this year
but they are gravely overshadowed by
The One Fucking Very Bad Thing
that happened this year.

I want to write about the happy things,
the trips, the time spent with family and friends,
the love, the laughter, the adventures
but
I can’t yet.
But I will.
Because I know what Mom would say.

and I take comfort in the one thing that I can.
They are together. They are together. They are together.

So, once again, this is not what I came here to say
but this is what came out
and so I will leave it at that.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you.
I wish all the best of things for us all
and an amazing, healing, happy 2026…
and if you are also trying to navigate this
land of loss and heartache, just know
you are not the only one flailing around in the fog…
and hoping that it will lift soon,
let a little sunshine back in.
💙💙💙

a cottagecore kinda weekend 🌼

Last weekend, I had the chance
to stay at the sweetest little cottage
in Mill River….
the weather was going to be yucky
all weekend so I stocked up on
books and treats of all kinds
and 3 different kinds of pjs,
packed up Fred and my art supplies
and off we went.

The cottage was so adorable
and cozy and welcoming.
I always get a little stressed about
places I don’t know or when I am not sure what
I am supposed to do..but the hosts
made it all so easy for me.
And left me the sweetest card AND
chocolate covered strawberries
AND some canned diet coke. Heeheehee.

Even though it rained a lot,
I was able to try out the hot tub
in the evening
and the next day was spent
exploring the beautiful trails
close by with a best friend.

and sooooo much reading…
and playing with paints and markers…
and sugar.

If you are looking for a sweet little
getaway spot
or you have family/friends coming to the island,
I 1000% recommend this place.
You can find it here:
Ford’s Riverview Cottage and
on Facebook!

Fred completely agrees with this review.

FOCUS....oh, hello 2025...

My brain feels a little
surprised every time I realize
how far we are through
January.

To be honest,
January is not my worst
winter month.

February is.

In January, I am still on a
sugar high from Christmas
(literally and figuratively)
& I bounce straight from that
to looking back at the past year
in great depth
rereading journals, my social media,
what did I draw, take photos of,
eat, where did I go, who did I spend my time with…
was I happy? What would I change?

And then charge full steam ahead into
lists and research and ideas and planning
and reading and video watching and
making plans and blueprints and manifestos.

So January flies by.

But by February, I am starting to lose steam.
My own excitement for self care
and looking after myself
has exhausted me.
Ironic, I know.

So anywayyyyyy….
If you know me, you know I pick a word
for the year every year.
Last year was glee
and honestly, it worked out ok.
I did a hell of a lot of things
that made me clap my hand in glee
(but have also come to the realization
that I sort of hate that word…it’s cringey).
but the sentiment was right.

This year’s word
is focus….
which I actually looked back and
I have used this word before (2008)…
and interestingly enough
it was when I started to get into photography
(get it…focus…heh)
and that year realllllllllly panned out for me. :)

But this time
focus is literally about
pulling myself out of this
spinning tires rut I have been in
for the last couple of years…
I have to stop just making lists
and plans and gathering ideas.

It’s time to put things into action.
It’s time to focus.