this moment::

at this moment,
i have made a conscious decision
to put away the housework,
place a hold on the editing,
forget about what my hair looks like
and that my stomach is far too flabby for a bathing suit.

i am going to get in my car
and drive to my favorite beach
and bury my toes in the sand
and maybe read a real book
(not taking the ipad).

i am not going to wear headphones,
i am going to listen to the water
and the seagulls
and the kids laughing and splashing
in the distance.

i will lay on a blanket
and inhale a little bit of a salt water summer day...

i might even dip my toes in the water.

friday i'm in love...

~  with a day spent with just my boy...and lunch with both my boys
    (the only sad thing was that my girl couldn't come)...
~  shopping at Micheal's where many wedding photo props were purchased
~  a red dress and bare feet
~  strawberries with just bit of sugar and a drop of milk
~  sitting on the deck and finding a bit of a breeze, talking with S
~  forecast of good weather for tomorrow's wedding
~  two brides happy with their engagement photos :)
~  seeing old friends today





inner excavation::4 questions

morning pages and 4 questions inspired by inner excavation:

who am i?
point blank.
dark haired
avid reader
happily married
wildly in love
mom of two
photographer-on-the-side
happy in my dream day job
diet coke addict
muppet loving
whimsical, amusing, loner
slightly anti-social
yet always smiling
at strangers
cartoon fanatic
oxymoron
weird and wordy...
and ok
with being weird
and wordy.

who or what inspires me?
stories.  scents.  memories.  music.  authors.  Margaret Atwood.  Leonard Cohen.  blogs.  pinterest.  color.  shapes.  lines.  architecture.   writing.  words.  writers.  non-conformists.  movies.  fonts.  advertising.  lyrics.  nature.  imaginative people.  people who are brave; who put themselves out there, who are ok with being themselves, who stand up for other people.  patterns.  artists.


how do you nurture yourself?
music
long drives
walks
yoga
reading
meditation
organization
list making
facials
daydreaming
allowing myself to just sit, to just be.

how did you find your creative voice?
through accidental blogging...
while looking for a mortgage and being frustrated with the system
only to find that there was a whole world of other people out there
that liked the same things that
i like.
a click and a rush...an opening....a gush of possibility
an awareness, an excitement.
bringing me to today.

want to play along...go here for a free read-a-long!

inner excavation::week one and a memory

a year ago this weekend,
my husband was in a motorcycle accident.

it was a friday night.

he has not been able to work since that night.
but things are getting better.
hopefully, he will be able to get back to work in the next 6-8 weeks.
it has been a long year
of fear and worry
recuperation
and small steps forward
of tears and giggles
and hospital beds and
surgeries.

but it could have been so much worse.

that summer, i had planned on doing inner excavation
with liz lamoreux as she was going to do a read-along
but, for obvious reasons,
that kind of fell by the way-side.

but
this summer,
it is being done again here with liz's blessing...
so i have signed up again
with the hopes that i will do the whole book this time.

so...
that said...
they are doing a bit of a show & tell over at the glitterhood...
and here is mine.

 this is the journal that i started last year when it began...
at that time, begin was my mantra,
was my starting point and seemed to also be my stopping point...
i could not seem to move past "beginning" even before the accident.
but this year,
i am hoping to push myself harder.
to let go of the feeling that things have to be perfect,
that i need the right materials, the right ingredients, the right time of day...
the reality is
i
just
need
to
begin.
so here i am again.

at the beginning.

i have decided that this year,
i will start a photo series but one that will encompass the whole summer for me.
the reason for this is two part....
i have the deep seated need to spend more time with my family this summer,
to really connect...and also, to embrace summer.
to not let it just pass me by
in the blink of an eye.

in that vein, here is a list of

summer photo ideas

  • the deck as it progresses
  • tomato plants
  • berry picking
  • bare feet
  • grass
  • bonfire
  • summer skirts and bare legs
  • beach
  • flowers
  • popsicles
  • slushies, floats, ice cream
  • dairy bars
  • the kids
  • fireworks
  • a road trip
  • parade
  • sparklers
  • bbq's
  • corn on the cob
  • berries
and this is how i will embrace summer.

tuesday truths and little inner excavating...

the truth is
i'm feeling a little down today.

the truth is
sometimes
i feel like i have got it all goin' on...
i have got it all under control
and i feel powerful and confident,
competent and strong.

the truth is
sometimes
one small thing
can happen
(in this case, maybe two)
(and maybe not that small...maybe kind of big)
(maybe kind of fucking hit me straight in the face
like a brick wall big because i had been going along
thinking that everything was good,
school was getting out, the kids are healthy and happy,
no more phone calls telling me that gym clothes were forgotten
or that anyone was getting expelled for smoking on school grounds)

and then this.
(which my rational mind
tells me is typical teenage behaviour
and did we not all do the same, make the same bad choices
and you should know they are going to make bad choices
but fucking fucking fuck
why
is
this
part of parenting
so bloody hard).

this is not what i came here to write.
i came here to write about tomato plants on the deck
and starting inner excavation again...
to post pretty pictures
and paint my life as perfectly ok.

but it's not.
not always.
and that is perfectly ok, too.

they are going to make mistakes.
sometimes they will be big ones.
it is what happens after that
that counts.
whether they repeat the same mistakes.
whether they learn from them.
that's what matters.

that
and that they know that we love them unconditionally.
which we do.
(that's what makes this part of parenting so bloody hard).