today i will

  • take a walk because the sun is shining and i don't want to miss it
  • make a list of all the things that need to be done
  • tidy up my studio so i start using it again!

  • finish editing the family photos
  • keep cleaning out the last 3 years worth of photos that are sitting in my computer right now as both originals and edits and taking up valuable much needed space
  • make a meal plan for this week
  • finish the laundry
  • find some time to read at least a little more of this book...which i was totally surprised that i could not put good
  •  take one photo
  • put chicken in slow cooker for sandwiches this week
  • at least 15 minutes of yoga
  • daydream about last summer by looking at the photos i posted here today. 
now...i had better get busy :)


i am sensing a theme
showing up
through my day
calling to me,
waiting for me to notice that it has been following me like a shadow
if i would just

and oddly enough,
that's what it is...
it feels like something is trying to tell me
to slow down,
to pay attention.
to stop rushing the day by, the hours by, the seconds by...
{they will go by fast enough on their own}.

i woke up this morning to snow
so heavy on the tree branches
and a muffled almost silent world,
everything tinged blue.

and even though my normal routine is to rush, rush, rush out the door
this morning
i had to stop
and get my camera and
document the wonderment of this sudden silent snowfall.

typical rotten monday things happened
but then i came home and this was in my inbox
i went to yoga
and the instructor told us about breathing
about slowing down
about grounding yourself
and, although i am sure she tells us that every time,
this time,
i seemed to really hear it.

i came home and ate a salad slowly
by myself
without the tv on
only music in the background
and a little bit of lamplight...

i stopped in to lose myself
for a moment
in the vast internet
and opened a page to read this and
almost looked over my shoulder to see if
someone was stalking me, following me, waiting for me
to finally

and i love, love, love what she says
about her yoga instructor
who said
"forget next and remember now".

forget next and remember now.

sunday and i am lost again....

lost again in other people's words
and other people's photos
other people's art
other people's ideas
and why can't i stop
my own brain from whirring like a top
spinning like race car tires
stuck in slush and mediocrity.
and snap into focus
my own god damned life.

what am i doing?

i think i am filling the well
(i tell myself this...i promise it to me)
but really
i think i am procrastinating
i am afraid
i have lost my confidence
i have lost my brave
{before i even owned, i lost it}

so i make myself come to the page
and just write.
don't censor.
don't fear.
just write.
{i fear sometimes that i am losing my voice...
i fear sometimes that when i find it again, i won't even recognize it,
was it ever mine?}

i know if i look back on this blog,
i will see a sad refrain.
full of can i?  can i?
where is the i can.
but instead i whimper and sigh
and feel i don't have enough time
but really, i have all the time in the world
what i am lacking