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I just realized there is no diet coke in the house.
None.

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My hip hurts. My hip has never hurt before.
I am not liking it.

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I went to a writing group on Saturday.
This was my second time going.
I think this is exactly what I need in order to make myself
actually sit down and work on something...
I need that accountability.
And it is obviously not working to pretend that
I will hold myself accountable
because apparently, I have a very soft heart
that believes every sob story excuse I tell myself.

And the great thing about this month's session
was that I admitted up front
that, while this was the start of a story,
there is a very good chance
that I will never finish it
because I have never finished ANYTHING in my life.
They kindly pointed out that I had indeed finished the story
that I shared the week before
but...that was like
1900 words.
That kind of story I can handle.
A snippet. A page or two. A scene. A scenario.
It's putting a bunch of those together
and calling it a cohesive story that I struggle with.
But after I read the group my story about Bernadine,
they told me I had to write more
because they wanted to know
what was going to happen next...
(and...to be honest...so do I!)
and that they would be expecting to hear more
at next writing group.
:)

i had the opportunity to attend a full day workshop
saturday with Sheree Fitch, author of kids favorites such as
toes in my nose
and there's a mouse in my house..

i was familiar with her work both from
having read her books to my own kids
and from when i worked at the bookstore
(which seems so long ago now...).

i wasn't aware, however, that she also wrote fiction for adults!
i will definitely be checking that out...

there were two workshops today...
one on writing children's literature (and if you know me,
you know how i feel about that subject!)
and one on "how to write that book that you need to write"...
(another topic that i have been struggling with)
(for years actually).

at one point, she asked us "what are you afraid of"
what is holding you back? what fear is keeping you from writing?

i didn't have to look far for mine.
i know what it is.
i have spent my whole life being a book lover,
an avid reader, the wordy girl,
the nerdy kid always with a book in my hand.

i have always thought that
someday
i would write something.
someday.
and i have held on tight to that image of myself for so long,
i am scared now that if i DO write something
and i suck at it
then that part of my life is over.
right now, i can just keep thinking that someday
when i have enough time,
and the perfect space to write in,
and a stack of my favorite pens,
and a journal and a system and a plot and a timeline...
someday,
i WILL write.

i have made it something that defines me in my own head and heart
and i am worried that if i fail at it,
i will lose a big part of who i think i am supposed to be.

the truth is...
what holds me back
is
that i am scared.

that said,
if you have have an opportunity to attend a workshop
with this author,
you should definitely get your name on that list.
it was very interesting and she is extremely engaging,
very down to earth and easy to relate to.
it was a great way to spend a Saturday!

the photo below has nothing to do with the workshops...
i just thought it was pretty :)