the truth is
i might love valentine’s day
more
now that i am
alone
than when i was
with someone.

there is no
wondering if they will remember
causing me to
question
whether or not
i am worthy of being remembered,
or reminding me of a time
when
they always remembered.

there is no expectation,
no disappointment,
no pretending that everything
is ok just the way it is,
that it’s just another day,
a made up consumerism holiday
(when really,
i think we all know
that i love made up consumerism holidays…
i love celebrations and special days
and themes and colors
and a reason to use my fancy stickers
or dress all in pink
or put some food coloring in my ginger ale
and call it “special valentine’s bubbliness”)
(surely you know this about me by now.)

so the heart shaped point i am trying to make
is that, at first, i thought
this day might make me sad
but it doesn’t.
i look forward to it now….
i plan out it out as a day, a weekend, a month
of self-love for myself.

whatever i want.

movies by myself? sure!
a hike in the silent woods, just me and the birds
(and hopefully no coyotes)? check!
should i buy myself some fancy
*insert whatever is the current obsession here
(shampoo? body wash? plants? stickers? markers? candy?)
yes, yes and yes.

and here are some other things i am loving:

🩷 my valentine’s tree….it just makes me happy
🩷 a sleep over with one friend this week and supper date with 2 others another night! *also, shipyard was very good!
🍿 i love emily henry’s books so was really excited to watch
"the people we meet on vacation''
it was good…i debated adding it here as i don’t feel i LOVED it
but i still enjoyed it.
🩷 i found the sweetest surprise in my mailbox from a friend…
a handwritten letter!!! with little surprises!! including
a muppet sticker!!!! (& she also loves muppets so
i knowwwww how hard it is to give up stickers of
something you love…) and the letter was so
thoughtful it made me cry but also
realize how much i appreciate connecting with people…
you just never know what will resonate with someone else.

this is way longer than i meant it to be
but honestly,
i just had a lot of good things i really loved lately….
i couldn’t fit it all
into one post!!

so be prepared for more to come.
happy heart day…i hope cupid finds you
and gives you
whatever it is
that makes you smile.
(and if that’s pink ginger ale
in a fancy glass, that’s ok…
we listen and we don’t judge. heh)

*and also just to say that i am 
also painfully aware
of the incredible sadness 
happening in the world
right now…💔 
so hard to wrap your head 
(or heart) around.