the truth is
i have had a hard time
doing a
friday i’m in love
since mom…
it feels wrong
and i know that’s wrong,
i know the whole
she would want you to be happy,
she would want, she wouldn’t want…
but i also
can’t help feeling
how i feel.
grief is a like a ball
you have to carry
and it’s covered in
bits of sharp razor
and shards of glass
but also wrapped in
feathers and soft bits of fluff
so you don’t know where sharp parts are
and it’s sticky and slippery
and so heavy
it’s hard to carry some days
and other days,
it feels lighter but
you know that’s not going to last
and you are trying to carry
it quietly and act like a normal person
but then you realize
someone has stuffed it full of
jingly jangly bells
or now it is suddenly randomly
screeching like a car alarm
and
you
don’t
know
how to
make it
stop
and you are afraid everyone is looking you,
at the person who can’t control her grief,
who can’t be quiet about it,
who can’t let go of it,
but also when it’s quiet,
you are afraid people think you
stopped caring…stopped hurting…
it’s such a strange place.
i can’t say i like it here.
But at the same time…
I know that I have to
do the things I have always done…
maybe especially on the days I don’t feel like it.
So here are a few things I have loved:
♥ sticker books. I found some older ones that I just realized have stickers in them that I can use in my journals which has now made me look for sticker books whenever I go to the dollar store and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me.
♥ craft fairs with best friends…this has made me so happy…and I got these adorable Grinch decorations!
♥ also at craft fairs…Tide and Tallow…I am OBSESSED.
i LOVE the face tallow, the body butters, the facial oils…
the scents are to die for and my skin feels so soft and happy.
also can I have this sauna please?
I hope you have a happy Friday…
and if you are carrying something heavy,
I hope you are finding the feathery parts
and not the razors.
♥
