tuesday truths...in 2020

♥ the truth is I am still using winter photos from 2018
because I have not gotten out with my camera in
forever and that makes me a little sad.

♥ the truth is I spent a ridiculous amount of time
creating a color coded spreadsheet to help me
determine how I should spend every second of my time
because I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed and
worried that I can’t do everything that I want to do.

♥ the truth is…the color coded spreadsheet
made me feel so much better. I like having a plan.

♥ the truth is I wish I had a big bag of chips right now
but instead I know I have to get on the treadmill in 16 minutes
because that’s what color coded spreadsheet told me to do.

♥ the truth is…I still feel pretty optimistic that 2020 is going to be
a big year for me…I have plans…and blueprints…and goals…
and a fancy color coded spreadsheet.

#stansgottaplan

:)

tuesday truths

i love fall.

i really do.
the brilliance of the trees,
the crunch under my feet
of leaves and twigs
snapping and crackling…
the smell of wood smoke in the air
and feeling like
after the go-go-go
panicked frenzy to enjoy
EVERY FRIGGING SECOND OF SUMMER
while it’s here,
now
i can start
to slow down….

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now
i start to give myself permission
to climb into bed
with a mountain
of fuzzy blankets,
some hot chocolate,
and a pile of books….

fall is movies and stories and blanket forts,
trail hikes, if i feel like it, and messy hair
(cause my hat will cover it anyway),
vanilla scented candles,
cinnamon apples, brown sugar on toast…
big thick fuzzy socks (but never in bed!)
and pajamas with hoods…

fall is cozy.

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i love summer.
summer is exciting and exhilarating
and on a deadline
and you can’t waste a second
cause if you blink,
it’s gone.

but fall…
fall is kinda like my mom.
Comforting and sweet and
always makes me feel better.

winter, on the other hand…well….
i kinda hate that guy.
Heh.

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tuesday truths...

I have been trying meditation off and on for a couple of years now.
Sometimes, I stick with it for a week or two,
then I slack off and come back to it again later.

I’ve tried Calm and Headspace and
really liked both of them but,
not enough to pay for them…
(the only app I pay for monthly without question
is Google Play because I need my music…)

And then I found Insight Timer
and I am SERIOUSLY loving it.
I haven’t been using it long but
I love that there are so many options
available to you…
no jumping through hoops,
no limited time offers…
just readily available to you.

This morning I did a 10 minute guided practice
by Jonathan Lehmann
that had music (which I love) and affirmations
(which I don’t normally love…)
but I really, really liked this one.

And I especially liked how he talked about the
quote above from Albert Einstein…
that literally set my mood and intention for the day.

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tuesday truths in bullet form...

• walking home after Dorian hurt my heart a little bit…all those trees :(

• ice cream with a mix of warm caramel sauce & warm strawberry sauce in a waffle bowl has been my new obsession

• my feet are cold

• i am feeling a little burnt out. and maybe a little sad. i know i am usually go, go, go but lately…i just feel like i want to sleep, sleep, sleep. maybe it’s the change in season. maybe it’s too much ice cream.

• great lake swimmers are playing at kings playhouse and i can’t wait!

• i need a haircut

• i literally just found my photos from my trip to fundy park…i wanna go back!

• the fact that it’s 7:30 and almost dark out makes me wanna cry a teeny tiny bit. i am not ready! i want more summer.

• and ice cream. i want more ice cream. sigh.

tuesday truths...

i have a bad habit
of hiding
and avoiding
and procrastinating
and pretending
and creating distractions
and diversions
and delusions in my head
that everything is fine
when really
there are things i should be
facing…

i am an ostrich
sometimes
with my head in sand.

(ok. who am i kidding…
i am probably not as tall as an ostrich
and the thought of burying my head
in sand immediately makes feel claustrophobic)

(and now i am wondering if
ostriches even do that…is that a fact?
or did i make that up
somewhere along the line?)

anyway.

todays tuesday truth
is that i am trying to shake myself
out of this habit…
i am trying to make myself
face reality at least
once a day.
do one “grown up thing”
(preferably, one i have been putting off for a long time)
each day.
bills.
laundry.
groceries.
research an oil tank.
the not-so-fun stuff….

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but still allow myself
time every day
to lose myself in a good show
or escape in a book…
to write or draw or paint.

balance.
it’s all about balance.