a little bit of a nonsensical tuesday truth....just because...

the truth is
i am feeling
calm and quiet
and just a little bit
creative
and kind of on top of things
to some slight
variation of a degree.

less headaches,
health scare happily averted,
sunshine,
smurf pjs,
tea in a polka dot mug,
salads…so many salads…
(and with real strawberries today!)
lemon garlic dressings,
still off the diet coke,
more music,
less tv,
making plans,
researching castle building,
playing with oil pastels,
getting out for walks,
a new polka dot dress.

making lists of
lyrics
that currently
make me cry…
make me smile…
make me wish
i had wrote them first.

the truth is
tuesdays
make me wordy.
♥

where i am at...

I am still here.
I know I have been quiet,
but I am still here.

What have I been doing?

Going for rainy early morning walks
in my pjs and dino boots.

Watching Andrew Huberman on YouTube
and trying to emulate some of the routines he has
like early morning sun-in-your-retinas
and cold showers,
yoga nidra and meditation.
Working hard to take the right supplements,
eat better and fix my broken sleep.

Working along with a
fantastic group online to do
The Artist’s Way.
I have done this before
on my own
with inspiring results
so I am really looking forward
to diving in hard on this
and seeing where it takes me
if I let it.

I am trying to hard
to keep my mind and
heart open,
to see the synchroncities
where they happen,
catch the glimmers when they sparkle
& shine
and to focus on joy instead of
loss and stress…
some days it works,
some days it doesn’t.
it’s a process.
:)

sponge.

I don’t know if I am going
through a bit of a cycle of some sort
but I feel like a thirsty, dry sponge
who just can’t get enough
of everything…
books
movies
music
real conversations
podcasts
interviews
documentaries
blogs
articles
nature
I just want to
keep absorbing
and connecting
and feeding the sponge monster
who is gobbling it up
and then saying
more…
give me MORE.

things are resonating
and clicking
and whirring like gears
and click-clacky clockwork…

i like this feeling.

the truth is
i am going to try to come
back to the blog more…
for no other reason
other than it is has always proven
to be a source of creativity for me.

i may, however, not always share the
link to new posts on other social media.
i haven’t decided that yet.
when i first started this blog,
it was a bit of a secret club
and mostly, i was the only member. :)
and while i have enjoyed sharing it,
i also catch myself censoring myself on it now…
because…it feels…different
to be so open and
it feels…
scary
sometimes.

though sometimes
i think why do i let it scare me.
why is it hard to be open,
to be vulnerable…
to let go.

but whatever i decide,
you know where to find me
if you are interested in seeing
what muddled thoughts are being shared
over here. :)

happy saturday!!
we are almost all the way
through january….
spring is just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away!
:)

compass word for 2024

Every year,
I choose a word
as my “compass” word
for that whole year.

Some years, it works out very well…
other years, I forget the word
by February.

Last year was cultivate
and I was excited about it…
then life kinda went a different way
for awhile and I had to re-calibrate.
But when I reread this from last year
I think I wasn’t as far off the mark
as I had thought:
”Life is short.
What matters to me right now
are the people in my life…
the experiences we share,
the adventures, the connections…”

This year, I barely had to think about it…
it struck me hard almost right away.
I had thought heal. Or rest.
But then I thought of Dad…
and if I really want a year that would
make me think of him
I want a year full of joy, of delight,
of glee.

So glee is my compass word for 2024.
I want to laugh hard, I want to do things that
excite me and inspire me. I want to
explore and try new things (except food)
and be open to new experiences.

I want to live life
with my arms wide open
and less over thinking…

I want to do things
that give me butterflies
in my belly.

I have a couple of other things
in my brain for the start of 2024:

I am going to do the “75 soft challenge”.

1. Eat well and only drink on social occasions. (added - track my food)

2. Train for 45 minutes every day, with one day a week for active recovery.

3. Drink three liters of water a day.

4. Read 10 pages of any book a day.

AND I am going to attempt a No Spend January
(and possibly February).
My plan is that I will only spend money on the
things I have to (bills, etc) and on the bare
necessities but no extras.
I honestly have enough self care items
(moisturizers, shampoo, conditioner, candles,
books, art supplies) to last me for YEARS
but I have gotten into the habit
of “treating” myself when I feel
down or stressed….so it’s time to curb that.
And what better time to do than winter?

I am looking forward to 2024.
I hope that you are, too.
♥

sometimes...

sometimes
i talk
too much…
a lot…
non stop…
i get excited
about all the little things
& i just want
to share
and share
and share some more…

and sometimes…
i don’t want
to talk at all.

i am sleepy
and quiet
and i can’t
find the energy
to get out of
my own way…

maybe both extremes
are ok…
two sides of my tarnished
bent and broken coin…
maybe i should just lean into it
and stop
trying to fight it….
trying to always be
energized and bubbly and creative.

it’s ok to rest, too.

especially on rainy days.
♥

also i seem
to be on a little
fairy kick…
not sure where they are coming from…
but i like that they are visiting
and that they don’t eat all the
candy…just a little bit.