where i am at...

I am still here.
I know I have been quiet,
but I am still here.

What have I been doing?

Going for rainy early morning walks
in my pjs and dino boots.

Watching Andrew Huberman on YouTube
and trying to emulate some of the routines he has
like early morning sun-in-your-retinas
and cold showers,
yoga nidra and meditation.
Working hard to take the right supplements,
eat better and fix my broken sleep.

Working along with a
fantastic group online to do
The Artist’s Way.
I have done this before
on my own
with inspiring results
so I am really looking forward
to diving in hard on this
and seeing where it takes me
if I let it.

I am trying to hard
to keep my mind and
heart open,
to see the synchroncities
where they happen,
catch the glimmers when they sparkle
& shine
and to focus on joy instead of
loss and stress…
some days it works,
some days it doesn’t.
it’s a process.
:)

friday i'm in love....

We made it through January.
That always feels like
an accomplishment
to me…
the days just keep
getting longer now,
brighter….
I need daylight hours.
Otherwise I wilt
and I wallow
and I wait…

But I feel it coming now.
And the anticipation
makes me happy.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE

♥ I have been getting out for walks and going to the sauna/steam room…I even took the big camera with me on my last walk (though I haven’t uploaded the photos yet. I forget that you have to do that with the big camera. It’s been so long.) But it was a good feeling to hold the weight of it in my hands again.

♥ I made a bird feeder out of a milk carton and today the chickadees came!

♥ I am in love with the idea of a winter “sofa sprawl” day.
I keep seeing it as a “couch rot” or “bed rot” day
but that just sounds…kinda….yucky.
But I read this and thought…yes. Sofa sprawl.
A winter hibernation day (or dare I suggest weekend)
of cute fresh matching pjs, fuzzy socks,
cozy blankets, treats, drinks, books,
music, movies, hobbies like knitting or crochet,
a notepad and the remote all within arm’s reach.

No plans. No chores. No grown up stuff.
Oh.
I get chills just thinking about it.

♥ my backpack has a little
baby backpack
and that baby backpack
has a little baby pencil case
which has a
LITTLE BABY PENCIL & ERASER IN IT
:) my girl got me this for Xmas
and I love it.

♥ and because every list needs a link
this poem
both broke my heart
and made me cheer
and “listen i love you joy is coming”

*I warned you I was going to post more. Heh.

whatcha readin'? {goal 41::book 1-3}

Most of January’s book reading time
was absorbed (happily)
by A Court of Wings & Ruin
but the month isn’t over yet.
:)

I find reading about subjects
that I am currently processing
in my head and my heart
to be helpful.
Not always and not all of it
but I have to admit that there
are always some little kernels of
truth or hope or “oh…that’s me, too!”
that I find helpful.

So I am not going to rate the first book
other than to say
that it was helpful in some ways
and it made me think.

Book 2 was the “Draw Everything” book
which was interesting
and I enjoyed playing with some of the
examples and suggestions.

Book 3. Oh. Book 3.
Which is the 3rd in this series
and SOOOOO good.
It took me a little bit to read cause…
well…pages. Lots of pages.
But it kept me enthralled from start to finish
and surprised me in a couple of
tense hold-your-breath spots.
♥♥♥♥♥ out of 5 for that one!

NEXT UP:: BEACH READ - EMILY HENRY
cause I need a little lightness…and I love her books.

and part of the bookmark project! :)

What are YOU reading?? :)

sponge.

I don’t know if I am going
through a bit of a cycle of some sort
but I feel like a thirsty, dry sponge
who just can’t get enough
of everything…
books
movies
music
real conversations
podcasts
interviews
documentaries
blogs
articles
nature
I just want to
keep absorbing
and connecting
and feeding the sponge monster
who is gobbling it up
and then saying
more…
give me MORE.

things are resonating
and clicking
and whirring like gears
and click-clacky clockwork…

i like this feeling.

the truth is
i am going to try to come
back to the blog more…
for no other reason
other than it is has always proven
to be a source of creativity for me.

i may, however, not always share the
link to new posts on other social media.
i haven’t decided that yet.
when i first started this blog,
it was a bit of a secret club
and mostly, i was the only member. :)
and while i have enjoyed sharing it,
i also catch myself censoring myself on it now…
because…it feels…different
to be so open and
it feels…
scary
sometimes.

though sometimes
i think why do i let it scare me.
why is it hard to be open,
to be vulnerable…
to let go.

but whatever i decide,
you know where to find me
if you are interested in seeing
what muddled thoughts are being shared
over here. :)

happy saturday!!
we are almost all the way
through january….
spring is just a hop-skip-and-a-jump away!
:)

friday i'm in love....

I debated getting outside
for a Friday adventure today
but
I am still trying to do
No Spend January
and I knew if if I left home
there was a strong chance
I would spend money
I don’t need to spend.

So I stayed home and
forced myself to start
decluttering
which the big orange house
desperately
needs and it’s starting to wear
on my mental health
so I know it’s time.

But it’s so overwhelming.

Baby steps.
That’s all I am doing.
Bite size chunks.
Til it all gets done.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE
♥ speaking of not spending money…heh…I bought tickets for this
I HAD to….Noah Kahan is coming!!!!! and yeahhhhh…I know, I know…no spend January….but this is in SEPTEMBER so…kinda doesn’t count (also I am very good at justification…heh) (plus….#glee)
♥ I skipped to the end to watch this but still my heart was racing for this kid who BEAT TETRIS. also it made me miss playing tetris. which also made me think about dad…and the family sessions of tetris we would have after supper (though the first after supper competition was asteroids. heh.)
♥ I am loving this series. Like….loving with all my heart. It’s so clever and sweet and interesting and has made me laugh out loud.
♥ an unexpected supper with a best friend last night where we laughed belligerently and guffawed and held back tears a little bit and left feeling both belly AND heart full. And yes, I know I said this was a no spend month but I consider filling your social gas tank to be a bit of a necessity.

happy, happy friday to you.
I hope it was out of this world. ♥