friday i'm in love

I wasn't going to write a
friday i'm in love post today….

I didn't think I was feeling it…
I was feeling all the feels today
but not really happy ones.

The truth is…well…you know
what the truth is.
I am still raw to touch
and too bruised to be in public…
I feel like my skin scraped dry
and my heart is on the outside
instead of safely hidden…

I try to protect it
but everywhere I go,
I am bumping it against
other people's stories
and the corner of my memories
and scraping it on the past.

So maybe today
I need a Friday I'm in love
more than ever….
even if it is just to remind me
that there are still things
to be in love with…

I have been meaning to share this
for a while so thought
today was a good day
to do just that.

At a very hard time,
a friend gave me something
I have been looking for
for years…Azrael the cat from the smurfs!
I had him tucked away
until tonight
but now he has been
happily reunited with
Gargamel and they are
happily plotting the demise
of the smurfs…

(thank you Lee Anne & Sandy,
though the smurfs are probably
annoyed with you….heh)

❤️ seeing a new-to-me video of dad when I was least expecting it…but needing it the most…
❤️ something in the orange…on constant replay
❤️ friends who have no idea how much I appreciate (and need) their support. I am not good at saying it…but I need them more than they know.

❤️ and finally…a hot bowl of chicken fricot
to end this frigid cold day off with…

I hope you had a warm and toasty friday!!

whatcha readin'? {goal 40:: MISSION COMPLETE}

It’s no surprise that I
totally did not keep on top
of updating the blog
with all the books
I read in 2023
but I DID hit my goal of
forty
just by the skin of my teeth
but I did it
so that is all that matters in
the big orange house.

Here is what I read…in list form…
cause it’s 2024 and, frankly,
I’m over it.

1. Frankenstein - hated. Literally HATED this book

2. House in the Pines - Ana Reyes
   ♥♥♥♥

3. The Art of Racing in the Rain - Garth Stein
   ♥♥♥♥♥

4. Love & Gelato - Jenna Evans Welch
   ♥♥♥♥

5. Life after Life - Kate Atkinson (this book was a struggle but beautiful but also made me want to hurl it into the ocean)
   ♥♥♥

6. She Who Became the Sun - Shelly Parker Chan
   ♥♥♥♥♥

7. Whiskey in a Teacup - The Adorable Reese Witherspoon
   ♥♥♥♥

8. Slammed - Colleen Hoover
   ♥♥♥

9. The Book of Goethel - Mary McMyne
   ♥♥♥♥♥

10. Bone Black - bell hooks
    ♥♥♥

11. The End of Her - Shari Lapegna
    ♥♥♥

12. Call Me Zelda - Erika Robuck
    ♥♥♥♥

13. Milk and Honey - Rupi Kaur {audio book}
    ♥♥♥

14. Really Good Actually - Monica Heisey
    ♥♥♥♥

15. Molly’s Game - Molly Bloom
    ♥♥♥♥♥

16. Demon Copperfield - Barbara Kingsolver
    ♥♥♥♥

17. A Court of Thorns & Roses - Sarah J Maas
    ♥♥♥♥♥

18. I’m Glad My Mom Died - Jeannette McCurdy
    ♥♥♥♥

19. The Whole Body Reset - Stephen Perinne
    ♥♥♥♥

20. Happy Place - Emily Henry
    ♥♥♥♥

21. A Court of Mist & Fury - Sarah J Maas
♥♥♥♥♥

22. I Carried You Home -
♥♥♥

23. Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro
♥♥♥

24. New Boy - Tracy Chevalier
♥♥♥♥

25. Homecoming - Kate Morton
♥♥♥♥♥

26. Breaking the Girl - Kim Corum
♥♥♥♥

27. Hello Beautiful Ann Napolitano
♥♥♥♥♥

28. A Homemade Life - Molly Wizenburg
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

29. Expected Loss; Anticipatory Grief - Alan Woolfelt
♥♥♥♥♥

30. From Scratch - Tembi Locke
♥♥♥♥

31. Did you hear about Kitty Karr - Crystal Smith Paul
♥♥♥♥

32. The 5 am Rule - Robin Sharma
{i hated this with ALL my heart.
if i could give negative hearts, i would.}

33. It’s OK to Laugh - Nora McInerney Puemon
♥♥♥♥ .5

34. Book Lovers - Emily Henry
♥♥♥♥♥

35. How to Pronounce Knife - Souvankham Thammavongsa
♥♥♥.5 {mainly because I don’t love short stories}

36. Self Care for Grief -Nneka M Okona
♥♥♥♥

37. One Day in December - Josie Silver
♥♥♥♥♥ {this one surprised me that i would
love it so much}

38. Surviving the Holidays with you - Gary Roe
♥♥♥

39. Ugly Love - Colleen Hoover
♥♥♥♥

40. Inside Out - Demi Moore
♥♥♥♥

41. Evidence of the Affair - Taylor Jenkins Reid
♥♥♥

Note: I realized as I was typing
these out that I had miscounted
in my list so I actually read
forty ONE books this year. :)

and took a LOT of photos of
my books as I was reading them…
this was just a few of them.
:D

friday i'm in love....

I debated getting outside
for a Friday adventure today
but
I am still trying to do
No Spend January
and I knew if if I left home
there was a strong chance
I would spend money
I don’t need to spend.

So I stayed home and
forced myself to start
decluttering
which the big orange house
desperately
needs and it’s starting to wear
on my mental health
so I know it’s time.

But it’s so overwhelming.

Baby steps.
That’s all I am doing.
Bite size chunks.
Til it all gets done.

FRIDAY I’M IN LOVE
♥ speaking of not spending money…heh…I bought tickets for this
I HAD to….Noah Kahan is coming!!!!! and yeahhhhh…I know, I know…no spend January….but this is in SEPTEMBER so…kinda doesn’t count (also I am very good at justification…heh) (plus….#glee)
♥ I skipped to the end to watch this but still my heart was racing for this kid who BEAT TETRIS. also it made me miss playing tetris. which also made me think about dad…and the family sessions of tetris we would have after supper (though the first after supper competition was asteroids. heh.)
♥ I am loving this series. Like….loving with all my heart. It’s so clever and sweet and interesting and has made me laugh out loud.
♥ an unexpected supper with a best friend last night where we laughed belligerently and guffawed and held back tears a little bit and left feeling both belly AND heart full. And yes, I know I said this was a no spend month but I consider filling your social gas tank to be a bit of a necessity.

happy, happy friday to you.
I hope it was out of this world. ♥

friday i'm in love....(the slightly forced version)

As I was writing this
I realized
the last time I did a
friday i’m in love
my dad was still here.

I am trying to get back to
normal (whatever construct
normal actually is)
but sometimes
something so simple
as a friday i’m in love post
can set me back a moment or two
and almost make me think
I can’t do it.
That it feels wrong to be happy
and sad…but two things can be true.
Two things can be true.

I’m trying not to write about this
all the time but no matter what I
mean
to write, this is what comes out
regardless.

So here I am.
Click-clacking the keyboard.
Letting my emotions fall onto
a blank page because that is
where I feel the most comfortable…

But I chose GLEE as my word
for 2024 so I am pushing myself
to look for the happy moments alongside
the sad….even when I don’t think I can.
especially when I don’t think I can.

friday i’m in love

♥ my girl sent me a video on grief that really resonated with me…the button in a box video…then I came across this one today and the second scenario really felt like how I feel

♥ I am reading this & oh, how I love it SO MUCH. I don’t know why I waited so long to start the 3rd book in the series….but this was a good start to 2024’s reading list

♥ nom-nom-nom. THESE are delicious. I was so happy that I remembered I had bought them one day while I was reading in the car and found them hidden under the seat (unopened, I’m not a complete animal)(but let’s not lie, I still would have eaten them probably). :)

♥ and this. Oh. How I love this!
and not JUST because it has a fancy pen
that lets me do things like this…but
that’s definitely a big part of it. Heehee

Honestly, though, there are so many things I am grateful for.
A phone call from my mom.
Messages from my brothers even if they drive me crazy.
Hearing my girl’s stories after work and seeing how happy she is.
A random conversation with an old friend in the hallway laughing about how I thought aspartame was pronounced a-spart-a-my…like some kind of Greek hero.
A flock of crows overhead on my walk when I realized IT WAS STILL BRIGHT ENOUGH AFTER WORK TO WALK. :)

♥♥♥ I hope you are having a happy friday too. You really should.

compass word for 2024

Every year,
I choose a word
as my “compass” word
for that whole year.

Some years, it works out very well…
other years, I forget the word
by February.

Last year was cultivate
and I was excited about it…
then life kinda went a different way
for awhile and I had to re-calibrate.
But when I reread this from last year
I think I wasn’t as far off the mark
as I had thought:
”Life is short.
What matters to me right now
are the people in my life…
the experiences we share,
the adventures, the connections…”

This year, I barely had to think about it…
it struck me hard almost right away.
I had thought heal. Or rest.
But then I thought of Dad…
and if I really want a year that would
make me think of him
I want a year full of joy, of delight,
of glee.

So glee is my compass word for 2024.
I want to laugh hard, I want to do things that
excite me and inspire me. I want to
explore and try new things (except food)
and be open to new experiences.

I want to live life
with my arms wide open
and less over thinking…

I want to do things
that give me butterflies
in my belly.

I have a couple of other things
in my brain for the start of 2024:

I am going to do the “75 soft challenge”.

1. Eat well and only drink on social occasions. (added - track my food)

2. Train for 45 minutes every day, with one day a week for active recovery.

3. Drink three liters of water a day.

4. Read 10 pages of any book a day.

AND I am going to attempt a No Spend January
(and possibly February).
My plan is that I will only spend money on the
things I have to (bills, etc) and on the bare
necessities but no extras.
I honestly have enough self care items
(moisturizers, shampoo, conditioner, candles,
books, art supplies) to last me for YEARS
but I have gotten into the habit
of “treating” myself when I feel
down or stressed….so it’s time to curb that.
And what better time to do than winter?

I am looking forward to 2024.
I hope that you are, too.
♥