tuesday truths {the "winter makes me bitter" edition}

☼☼☼
i hate being cheated
out of the promise of a good storm day.
i love a good storm day.
what is the point of living in a place
with bitter cold winters
if you can't get a good storm day once in a while.

and today...i felt cheated.
i'm still bitter.

☼☼☼
i am failing spectacularly
at almost
all
of my new years resolutions...
ALREADY.
it's been so long since i have been to the gym,
i think i forget where it is.
i am existing on diet coke and mike and ikes.
no sauna.
no board games.
no eating healthier.
sigh.
winter does this to me.
i just want to wrap myself in
layers of fuzzy blankets
and sleep
until the sun comes out...

☼☼☼
i may have created a new playlist
consisting of mainly power ballads
and one country song
at 3 am the other night
when i couldn't sleep...
 

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tuesday truths....(it is tuesday, right?)

*
i got to work today
and realized
i had my shirt on
inside out.

**
i
seriously
am not able to ever
cook the
right amount of
potatoes.
i always always always cook too many.
tonight i thought
"i'll fix you" (um...to myself)
and i used a smaller pot
AND THEN COULD BARELY FIT
all the potatoes into it
and now it just completely
boiled over
and i had to move it to a bigger pot.

***
i went to a writer's group on saturday.
i hadn't planned on reading
the short story i had written for battle tales there
but a good friend
coaxed me into it...
i was totally nervous.
the table was silent as i read...
and i was reading it off my phone
(tiny print)
so couldn't really look around to gauge reactions
or to see if people were still awake
so
when i got to one pivotal part in the story
and the librarian
literally
cheered
YES!
with her hands in the air
it was both shocking and
so frigging fantastic....
it is such a satisfying perplexing incredible feeling
to think that you evoked
enough emotion in
someone
to make them
cheer
in a
library.
(and honestly...it makes you want to do it again and again.)

****
and yeah.
i'm still editing photos from the fall.

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tuesday truths...

♥  it's funny the things you learn about yourself as you get older...
    like the annoying fact that you have super fragile sensitive to cold ears.
    and that not everybody else has this.
    it's like a super power
    but in reverse.
    anyway....the other night they ached so bad after walking home
    in the wind
    that i had to heat up the magic bag and
    take turns holding it against each ear
    while whimpering
    and googling with my free hand to see
    WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME WHY DO MY EARS HURT SO BAD
    but...it's really a thing.
    it even has a name
    otalgia....
    which i was excited about until i realized
    it translates into mystery ear pain....
    that feels less than scientific
    and more like something i might have just made up.

♥    i love christmas...i really do.
     and it's funny because i think sometimes
     maybe i may come across as
     NOT loving christmas
     because i am constantly saying i don't care about it...
     but it's not christmas i don't care about...
     it's the things we sometimes get trapped into thinking we HAVE to do...
     we have to buy gifts, we have to visit, we have to be social, we have to decorate...
     well.  damn it.  no, i don't.
     i'll buy gifts but only cause i want to and i am seriously not going to stress
     about whether or not the recipient likes it because...
     wouldn't that be kind of ungrateful to not like someone's gift?
     it'd be like the time my mom got me the shirt i really really really
     wanted for easter...
     {remember those white dress shirts with the tails...
     that you wore with your stirrup pants...
     and your lace hair ties...and madonna bracelets....
     (yeah...i was an eighties kid...why do you ask?)
     and so she got me one and I WAS SO EXCITED
     and then i held it up and there was a handpainted tiger on the back.
     heh.
     an extra large handpainted tiger.
     anyway...i didn't say i didn't like but she read it on my face
     and returned it and got me a plain-white-won't-stand-out-in-a-crowd-of-
     vicious-snarly-teenage-girls
     cause-then-i'll-be-just-like-everyone-else
     and this story totally DOES NOT PROVE my point.
    
     my point is...i love christmas...i love seeing my family,
     watching every christmas show i can cram in,
     fighting with my kids & husband over who is putting the sesame street
     christmas ornaments on the tree (well...i mean really though...they are MINE)....
     telling the kids they can't come down in the morning
     until we light the furnace (it's oil)(haha)...
     car karaoke on the drive home from Ch'town Christmas Eve with the 4 of us singing
     total eclipse of the heart at the top of our lungs...
     putting plaid pajamas on the pug...sneaking meat pie with stirling while wrapping presents...
     my dad chasing me around the house with the turkey neck...

     i like the silly things....the little moments...the laugh until you think
     you are really going to throw up moments...that's how you define hallmark for me.

♥     i really shouldn't do these blog posts
       stream of conscious....
       i never know where it's going to go...
       seriously.
       i am as surprised as you are.
       heehee.
    

tuesday truths...

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♥     ♥    ♥
it is almost impossible to be unhappy
when wearing a polka dot dress.
it's like magic.
(and really,
the more i think about it
it might not be the dress itself...
i think maybe it's the polka dots...
because...
the polka dot shoes work, too...both pairs...
and the polka dot skirt
and that polka dot shirt i bought...
wow.
i own a lot of polka dots.)

(truth...the word polka dot is starting to
sound funny...i think i said it too many times)

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♥   ♥   ♥
i often wonder if
it's apparent to people driving by me
that sometimes
i walk the whole way home
trying not to step on any cracks
in the sidewalk...
which means
that sometimes
i have to take extra big steps
and
then 6 tiny steps
followed by jumping to the
left because...well...
because it's fun
and i don't want to break my mother's back
(see, mom.  i'm always thinking about ya!)
i suspect maybe it's not as apparent
as i would hope
and that people probably think
i'm drunk.
heh.

♥   ♥   ♥
speaking of walking home...
why do people insist on stopping for me
at the one crosswalk
that i don't have to cross at?
and then get mad and speed off
when i turn
instead of crossing.
i am literally starting to get stressed
about it now as i come to that intersection...
in my head, i'm like...
they think i am going straight
but i'm going to turn
and now they are waiting for me
but i am going to turn
so i'm just not going to make
eye contact or maybe i should
point to the way i'm turning
or maybe there's some sort of
hand signal
they are expecting...like people on bikes do
but i don't know what that
signal is
and damn it...
now i just stepped on a crack
and
got hit with gravel
as that car sped off all mad cause i didn't cross.

maybe i should just start crossing
even though i'm NOT GOING THAT WAY.

♥   ♥   ♥
i wasn't going to write about
any
of these today.
funny how i sit down here
with one plan in mind
and something else totally different & slightly odd
comes out instead.
i blame the polka dot dress.
or credit.
depends on if you enjoyed this post or not.
heh.
 

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tuesday truths...

• the idea that summer is coming
  to a close is making me feel
  panicky and anxious
  like
  i haven't done it all yet,
  i'm not ready for it to end!
• i loved the garden so much
  that i made myself
  sick
  of the friggin' garden.
  enough already with the
  watering
  and the picking
  and the watering...
  next year, i'm using a hose.
  and not planting 60 billion
  of EVERYTHING.
• i want to go to the trailside cafe
  and see dylan menzie...
  because seriously...
  have you heard him?
  (and this one is in my most-favorite-church!)
• i had a small panic attack
  and thought that EVERYTHING on my
  summer bucket list
  had to be done by labor day
  until someone kindly pointed out to me
  that labor day is NOT the first day of fall.
  heh.
  but still...SO LITTLE TIME...
  (there's that panicky feeling again)
• maudie may have replaced the muppets
  for now as number one in my
  desert island movies...
  i know that seems like a weird contrast...
  but...if you didn't know that i might be a little weird by now
  then you may just want to stop reading...heh...
  (but....don't really stop reading!  i was just kidding!)

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